Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Just a Day at the Races

(Bridget Marquardt, Me and Nick Carpenter @ The Long Beach Grand Prix April 21st 2013)

Friday Night, Hubby and I out at our favorite watering hole with friends. There is a lull in the conversation, my phone is buried in my purse that is hooked on the table beneath me, so I ask my hubby if I could borrow his phone to browse the internet. He says sure, so I grab his phone, press the browser icon and it takes me to the last web page that he was at...... F@#&Mates.com!!! At first I was a bit shocked, but paid no real mind to it right away, I just tried to get out of the site by pressing the back button, but it kept going to different pages of the site. Roy noticed that I was frantically pressing the buttons, so he asked me what was wrong. I showed him what was on his phone and told him that I just want to get out of this site. He looked at his phone and freaked out. He kept saying 'I don`t know how this got on my phone, I must have clicked a pop up, oh no, I hope I do not have a Virus!' I wanted to believe him, But I know how things work and it is Very un-likely that it was a mistake. I would not care if it was just Porn, but looking up the site later, I found out that it is a 'Hook-up Site for people in your area. I was Hurt, Confused a bit Sad, but I was not Mad. I was only getting mad after he kept trying to deny that he was the one who looked it up on his phone. He was protesting that it somehow got on his phone without his consent.
Even though I was not believing him, I was not Mad, however I was getting annoyed that he kept trying to deny it and kept bringing it up and he was very upset. I told him to drop the subject and lets just have fun tonight, in which we did.
 The Next Morning we had plans to go to our friends house for his birthday, all meet up with other friends there and then all to go to the Toyota Grand Prix Races together and celebrate our friends Birthday, I awoke early like always, did my morning Chores and my hubby decided to bring up the phone thing again. He had a bit of an attitude, barking at me, asking me where his sunglasses were, etc. Usually I would go get his sunglasses for him, but I was in the middle of something, so I told him where they were so he can get them himself. He asked me again, if I believed him that he did not look up that site on his phone and I honestly said, No, I did not believe him, but I really didn`t care if it was true or not. He then just walked out the door, saying nothing.
 We were suppose to meet up at a friends house at a certain time and all head out together to go to the Long Beach Grand Prix. It soon became that time and my hubby was still gone, so I decided to go on my own so I would not be late. When I walked into our friends house, I saw my hubby was already there. He actually left me at home and went on his own without me! I had the option to do two things, #1. Get upset, creating a scene and ruining the day for others -or #2. Do what he wishes, which was to be left alone, enjoy the day, have fun and not let it ruin the day for anybody. I choose to do the latter. I left my hubby alone, talked to everyone else and had a wonderful time at the Grand Prix.
 At the end of the day we all met up at our favorite watering hole. Still my hubby was ignoring me, so I let it be and just continued to enjoy myself with others. After awhile, it was getting late and I decided to call it a night and went home. My hubby stayed out until the early morning hours. In fact he did not even come to bed when he got home, he slept in his Man Cave.
 The next morning, Sunday, I awoke early like always, did my chores and waited for my girl friend to be ready so we can go again to the Grand Prix. We wanted to go again, just her and I and not with the big group, so we can easily walk around everywhere the places we missed the day before. My hubby awoke later, but still was ignoring me. I just allowed it and when my friend was ready, I headed out the door. We had another exhausting but great day. I even ran into my old friend, my maid of honor, fellow Playboy Hugh Hefner ex-Girlfriend and star of E! Girls Next Door, Bridget Marquardt & her beau Nick Carpenter in the Marco Andretti pit!! After the races, I dropped my very tired friend off at home and went to stop for a couple beers at our favorite watering hole.
 All our friends were there and so was my hubby. It didn`t take long for him and his 2 close buddies to leave to go to their other favorite Pub. I stayed at the same place for a couple beers, spent time with our friends, then went home.
 It was still a bit early, I wasn`t yet sleepy, so I put on a Movie on the TV and surfed the internet. My hubby came home after a few hours, came into the living room, where I was at, sat on couch, grabbed the remote, turned off my movie and started scrolling the channels. I should have just gathered my stuff and went into the bedroom and finished my movie there. However, I reacted, broke the silence and said 'hey, what are you doing? I was watching that'. He then got up and went on a yelling drunken rage, saying the worst things you can ever imagine to me. As he was saying these terrible things to me, I kept trying to remind myself that he does not mean these things, he is drunk and mad......however after he was done saying these things, I did get really sad and cried through the night. I gathered my stuff, went into the bedroom and fell asleep watching movies. He slept in his Man Cave. Every once in a while he would shout out hurtful things loud enough for me to hear sporadically through the night.
 The next morning, Monday, we both ignored each other. I did all my chores, then it was time for me to go to work. I decided to go into his man cave, before I left the house and make a brief statement. I told him that I was never mad at him, I left him alone as he wished, I was sorry he was so unhappy and that I would not stand in his way of happiness. He still was not having any of it. He still barked, yelled and said hurtful things to me. I cried, dried my tears and went to work for the day.
 After work, I went to the Restaurant that my hubby and I have been going to every Monday for the past couple months. I sat alone and ordered a glass of wine. Just as my server put my wine glass down on my table, I received a text on my phone. It was from my Hubby, it merely said 'come home'. My eyes began to well up, but I kept the tears in, I did not want to cry in public. I sent him a text back saying 'I don`t want to cry any more'. He text back saying he did not either. I text to him, ''I am at our place, I just ordered, why don`t you come here?' He replied, 'On my way'. When he got to the place, we both cried, hugged each other, he told me he was sorry, that he doesn`t know why he is such a jerk at times, that he loves me and to not give up on him. We talked things out. I told him that I was never mad, I just did what he wished and that I was sorry if there was any miss-understandings. We ate dinner and then went home.
 I don`t know how things are going to go, but I am really trying to handle difficult situations better. I still might fail at times, but I will continue to pick myself up and try to do better every time. I am not going to make excuses for my hubby`s behavior, that is totally on him. It maybe a learning experience, it may not be easy, but all I am trying to do is react to things better, be more pleasant, be more understanding and to keep myself healthy, mentally, physically & spiritually.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Pass the Toast Please

Urg...nothing like having a nasty cold and then get Food Poisoning at the same time AGAIN!!! I mean, really??? I used to have an iron stomach - but this is my 3rd bout  of Food Poisoning this year.....no sleep- been up-chucking all night!!!! I may NEVER eat again..........hey, wait....what`s that I smell.....Toast? Ummmm....ok......that should be safe.....I hope!!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Wierd how many thoughts go though your head as you Fall in Slo Mo

Walking down hallway at home, tripped on Rug - major face plant hard on ground -so weird the many thoughts that go thru your head as you fall in slo mo #Bruised #Confused

 my thoughts in my head was like 'oh no l think l am falling....yes....I am in fact falling......will this hurt as much as I think it will......what did I trip on.....the rug?.....my dead lift feet?......who can l blame.....oh here we go.....here comes the floor....l better brace myself....but no....no time for that.....here we go.....(THUD)....ummm....did that hurt......YES...YES IT DOES HURT.....Damn.....Ok better lay here for awhile.....check for bruises later......hey.....that thud was pretty loud.....my hubby is just in the next room....I am sure he heard it.....why isn`t he running into check on me.......WTF????' ........yep all those thoughts went thru my head in all but a few seconds.......weird huh?

Sunday, April 7, 2013

Casablaca Night @ The Playboy Mansion - Here`s Looking at You Kid!

On the 1st Friday of April - Hugh Hefner host Casablanca Night at The Playboy Mansion to kick off his Birthday Weekend - we all get dressed up - have a Fabulous dinner (usually Lobster & Steak), watch the Movie Casablanca  then Hef turns the Mansion into Rick`s Cafe - we dine on Caviar with all the fixings and Champagne by candlelight - I look forward to it every year!