Tuesday, December 25, 2012

I`m more of the 'Toaster Oven is the Best Gift' kind of Girl!

 Anyone that buys me Jewelry as a gift obviously does not know me. Unless it is a Native American Turquoise & Silver Squash Necklace, I will hate it. I only like Silver and to me Jewelry is a Really personal thing, I would rather pick out myself. I hate things just to show you spent money, I rather you spend the money wisely. I especially dislike Gold and I really never wear expensive jewelry.
 If you know me, then you know that I prefer getting practical things that I will actually use. I hate wasting money and I hate it when people spend way to much money on something Frivolous.
 I understand it is the Thought that counts and I will appreciate any gift I get if it is from the heart. However, if you are my boyfriend or someone who is really close to me, it will hurt me getting a Gift like that. To me, it shows that you have no clue who I am. It shows me that you rather prove how much you spent on it to make yourself look good other than the thought of the gift. I could be wrong, but those are my thoughts. I once broke up with a guy for buying me an expensive Tiffany Necklace and finding out he was now Negative in his checking account for doing so. That showed me poor judgement, lack of proprieties and no knowledge in who I am. That kind of person does not think of protecting the future, he is only in it for instant gratification which does not make me feel secure and safe.
 I thought I was past all this once I got married. My Husband is more frugal in his gift giving, he usually gives me cute, thoughtful or practical gifts. This year, he needed to save money because he is having dental issues and his computer broke. I helped him with a dental bill and bought him a Massage at a Spa to help with his stress as a Holiday Present this year.
 I was shocked when I un wrapped his present to me. It was a Gold, Diamond, way to Big Tennis Bracelet!!! I hid my disappointment, I smiled and said thank you. He boasted that he could have paid off his dental bill twice with the money he spent on it. Wow, that was like the knife turning in my back, but I still smiled and told him 'he shouldn`t have'. He was smiling at me, he was so certain that I loved it, so I guess I am a better actress then I thought. All I could think about was, he should have just paid his dental bill and bought me a Toaster Over, I really could use a $40- Toaster Oven. I know, I know, I am being a bit unappreciative. I really do appreciate the thought, but I am still hurt that he REALLY doesn`t know me as much as I would hope that he should know his wife after 5 years!!! I also HATE the amount of money that he seemed to have paid for it. I honestly would have loved a $2- card better then that Expensive, Gold, Diamond, Tennis Bracelet!!!

  I opened my gift....I appreciate the thought.....but I am having a hard time with it......Roy said it was very expensive, that he could have paid his dental work with it........you see l told Roy many times that to never buy me jewelry, especially expensive gold jewelry....to buy me jewelry is to not Know me......I have Never been a fan of Gold or Expensive Jewery.......I would rather he pay for his dental work and him buy me a $40 toaster oven or even a $2- card!!! I am just sad to know that after 5 years together, he has no clue who I am. Sorry, I must seem un appreciative, but I REALLY Do Appreciate the Thought.....I just wish I could get his money back.......I don`t know the right way to go about this....maybe I should just let it go.....but I dunno how long I can keep the 'Act' up....I am not good at keeping my emotions inside.....besides he Needs the money for his dental more then Tennis Bracelet. What do you think I should do???

  I just had to vent about it. I do love my Husband, I do Appreciate my Gift, but I can`t ignore my feelings and had to get them out. I guess Blogs are the New Inexpensive Therapist, just my Style!!! Merry Christmas!!!!

Thursday, December 6, 2012

No Tomato Soup? No Worries!!

Came home from work, Exhausted, (Such a Busy, Back-breaking Month it has been at my `Normal' Mon-Thurs Job  -Only to continue on, as I have 2Rent Car 2mrw for a Weekend Job/Wrestling Shoot this week) -My Hubby is away in San Fran for work - I`m home, Hungry, have not eaten ALL Day - craving Tomato Soup & Grilled Cheese - Oops, Roy seems to have used up our Tomato Soup reserve - No Worries - Making Grilled Cheese with Diced up Fresh Tomatoes & Red Onion - Yummmmm - Finishing it off with a Glass of Red Wine - Oh wait, is that a TV Remote Control with No one 'Manning' it?? Ummmm....SCORE!!!

Friday, November 30, 2012

At Home Date Night with myself - Oh, Oh, Oh!

My Facebook Post: Hubby went2 The House of Blues in Hollywood 2night 2see Metal Blade Records 30th Anniversary Featuring Armored Saint & Special Guests w/our Friend Dana. I`m staying home -then maybe a little 2nd st Shuffle....who is gonna be out, where, when????

My Facebook Post 3 hours later: Ah, just woke up from a Wonderful Nap - Ummmm.....Alone in house....in thermos, no make-up on.....Full Box of Wine.....Kitties Cuddled next to me........TV Stations filled with 'Chick Flicks' ....AND....the TV Remote is ALL MINE, cause Hubby out??? Ummmm......I think I might be staying in - Date Night with Myself......SWOOOON!!!

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Eureka! I think I found the tools I need to understand what has been stifling me for years!

I am just scratching the surface, but I have stumbled across a bunch of new information that I want to research and study more. So far, I have realized that I have always been attracted to and be involved with people that have some sort of Narcissistic trait. And though these relationships, I have sacrificed and damaged my self esteem so bad that I was on the verge of a depression break down. I am not blaming anyone, only myself, I am responsible for my own choices in life. As I am reading up on this, I learned that Narcissist cannot change, they are not doing it on purpose, they became this way early in life. I can go on, but if you want to know more yourself, click the links below, it opened my eyes in a positive way.

   This new awakening has opened my eyes to a new and brighter future. I cannot wait to read and study up on this subject. So far as I read these articles about it, it is like someone got into my head and wrote what I have been feeling and dealing with all my life in some form or degree. I ordered more books and cannot wait to understand it all more!! 

 Here is just a Few Links online that I have found & read and so far it has helped me out greatly!! 

 

Narcissistic Relationships - The Signs Of Narcissism.

The first step is to recognise the signs.

Narcissists have a grandiose sense of self-importance, like they have a special mission on this earth and they often have a 'I am the emperor' type of personality, and they expect all others should behave as humble servants of their wishes.

They always exaggerate their achievements and talents making everything in their power to gain everybody's attention and recognition. Most of the times they are arrogant and self absorbed to fulfill what they see as their special destiny.

Narcissists will indulge in fantasies of tremendous power, success or beauty, being addicted to the attention and admiration that others manifest. You will find much snobbery between them which they do not deny it but rather be proud of it.

They see themselves as unique masterpieces. Complicated rather than complex personalities, they will find it difficult to empathize with other people.

They can't actually go out of the margins of their own personality, not understanding how people don't think the same as they do. That's why many times you may have the feeling of talking to a blank wall because no matter how deep you explain your point of view, most likely a narcissist will not understand.

They often can't maintain long relationships, because they lack empathy and most times people around them give up on explaining themselves over and over again.

Narcissists tend to transform their partners in beggars - you will beg for understanding and some unconditional attention but most of the time you will celebrate only leftovers from the feast in which the narcissist has indulged.

Narcissists expect and demand that the ones nearest and dearest to them, love, admire, tolerate, and cater to their needs. They expect others to be at their immediate disposal.

How To Deal With Narcissistic People - Know The Signs.

Here are 7 of the common signs of narcissism.

1. He / she displays a lack of empathy. As you spend more time investing in your partner, you may notice that he / she seems to be unable to put him / herself in someone else's place emotionally. This often leads to callous and self serving behavior.

2. Your partner will often show a willingness to exploit other people. You may see that your partner has little qualms about stepping on other people if it benefits him / her.

3. Idealized thinking is often a prevalent theme. Your partner might put others, including you, on a pedestal, only to completely discard or describe you as worthless later on down the track. He / she often fantasizes about the perfect love, beauty, or power, and feels he / she has a right to it.

4. Having a grandiose sense of self worth is very common. Your partner might exaggerate his / her accomplishments and expect to associate with other 'high level' people. This often leads to feelings of superiority, a haughty attitude and /or excessive expectations.

5. Your partner will often exhibit an excessive sense of entitlement. He / she may feel as if preferential treatment ought to come her / his way as of right.

6. Your partner will most often crave admiration and praise to the point that it becomes almost like a drug. This drug has been termed 'narcissistic supply' and a narcissist most often goes to excessive lengths to obtain it.

7. He / she may often be very jealous of the accomplishments of others, and even become angry at the successes of others who then take the focus away from her / him.

Narcissistic Relationships bring with them huge risks to the partner of the narcissist because their behavior is a manifestation of an excessive ego and self absorption at the cost of everyone around them. Over the years, if this behavior doesn't change, it generally results in a codependent, emotionally draining and abusive relationship.

Narcissistic Relationships will require lots of energy and work, because narcissists are in constant need for outside support and approval. Once these needs are fulfilled they feel powerful, but many times this need will be very hard to be satisfied and the self image and the peace of the partner may be dramatically impacted.

Narcissistic Relationships test the mental limits of their partners patience, and individuals in a relationship with a narcissist feel something is not 'quite right', feel a lack of emotional connection and most eventually realize it's wise to seek answers to the unsettling experience of their day to day contact with a narcissist.

However, it's important for you to know that you do not have to be the victim of narcissism forever. You don't have to lose your confidence, self image, hope and passion for life because you are in a relationship with a narcissist. You can learn the skills to move beyond the downside effects of your narcissistic relationship and move on to a more normal relationship.

How To Deal With Narcissistic People - Learn How To Protect Yourself

In order to protect yourself from people like this, use the signs of narcissism listed in this article to discern whether someone in your life may be narcissistic.

Then do whatever you have to do in order to protect yourself from being a victim of this person and their insanity.

Read as much as you can. Educate yourself. It's important to learn how to deal with narcissistic people! Then take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children (if they are affected).

Sometimes this means getting away from these people all together, and sometimes you can have milder but distant contact.

The most important thing to remember in dealing with these people is that it is them who has the problem, not you.


Narcissistic Relationships Can Be Improved.

(But it will take detailed knowledge and considerable effort.)

Since narcissists cannot be changed, you need to reevaluate your needs and long term goals for the relationship - it may be interesting for a while to be around such type of people but in the long run it gets exhausting and anger and resentment will overshadow any feelings of love and tenderness.

Don't give in to their never-ending demands, keep your independence from this type of person - if in any way you depend on them, they will blackmail you to make you give in to their desires.

Don't let yourself be infuriated by their lack of empathy or understanding - they are not capable of it. Showing them their incapacity will do nothing - they will blame you for everything that it doesn't work.

Narcissists will be attached to those that satisfy their needs but will never treat them as partners but as followers. They have the need to lead and be in control constantly - they do not need equals but disciples or pleasers. The worst thing that can happen is when one narcissist meets someone with low self-esteem - it will be the perfect victim and toy for them.

Finally, you need to decide when enough is enough. A relationship with a narcissist can take you places where you do not want to be, can make you behave in ways you do not recognize yourself . It can undermine your self esteem and will rob you of the attention you need to give to yourself trying to meet all their needs.

Coping with a Narcissistic Partner or Spouse

Don’t worry, you’re not alone. Nearly everyone has someone in their personal life who could be described as “stuck on themselves”—and for some of us, that may be our partner or spouse. Learning how to cope with this type of personality is key in developing a strong, lasting relationship. In this guide we’ll look at the types of narcissistic partners and how to handle them.
If you’re married to a narcissist, you probably have the nagging feeling that although you are technically married, you are not actually a couple. Couples—in the true spirit of the word—are equal partners who share responsibilities, support one another, and understand when the other person is not functioning at their best. Everyone’s needy sometimes, but in true partnerships, people take turns being the one who requires more tender loving care.
In relationships where one partner is primarily self-absorbed, the scales are always tipped in the same direction. The narcissistic spouse assumes they are the focal point of the marriage and the family. They hate it when their husband or wife is unavailable to them, even if they are drawn away by the needs of other family members or the demands of work.
People wed to a narcissist can choose one of several paths. The first is to simply give in and assume that you will spend your life being the gardener, while your spouse gets to be the prized, much-tended flower. The second is to end the marriage, either by leaving or by refusing to feed your spouse’s ego so that, in the end, they will be driven to find another partner.
But many people would prefer to keep the marriage intact but still attempt to address some of its imbalances. If that sounds like your situation, try giving your partner what they want to get at least some of what you want.
  • Convince your spouse that giving you what you want will reflect well on them. Remember, narcissists are very concerned with outward appearances. They might well be happy to play the role of good spouse if they believe it will earn them the high opinion of others.
  • Always apply flattery before suggesting something your spouse can do for you. When a narcissist’s ego is full, they are apt to feel generous.
  • Use positive reinforcement. When your spouse supports you in some way or does anything that is unselfish, reinforce that behavior with praise so that they will want to do it again.
  • When your spouse has a grievance, don’t dismiss it. Even if they are being petulant, engage in active listening. Remember to use echoing (paraphrase what they say to show you understand) and mirroring (let them know you are familiar with the feelings they are having).
  • Check in often. Your spouse will be far more tolerant of you doing things on your own if you periodically touch base to remind them that you love them.
  • Flirt. This is good advice in any marriage, as it’s always a good idea to keep an element of fun and mystery alive. But narcissists actually crave this kind of sexual attention, and giving it to them will make them less likely to seek it elsewhere.
Above all, however, be sure not to lose yourself. Remember, you are doing these things to create a better balance in your relationship. Don’t lose sight of that goal. In addition, under no circumstances should you drop your relationships with friends and other family members. They will help remind you that you are more than a mere extension of your spouse. For more information on this type of personality, check out our Quick Guide Coping with a Narcissistic Parent or Sibling. Good luck!
From The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Coping with Difficult People by Arlene Matthews Uhl


How to Live With a Narcissist

  Some narcissists are obviously obnoxious, offensive and obstinate. Others, however, present as attractive, appealing, easy-going people. It’s not until a direct confrontation occurs that their narcissism becomes obvious.

Summon up the courage to tell him (or her) that he’s self-centered and he’ll either continue doing whatever he was doing as if you hadn’t said anything at all or he will become irate. “Me? Me? Self-centered? How do you think that makes ME feel?”
Though all narcissists are not cut from the same cloth, they do have quite a few traits in common. Here are a few:
  1. Narcissists find it hard (if not impossible) to truly appreciate the validity of another's point of view. They act as though others think and feel the same way they do. And if they don’t, something's wrong with them.
  2. Narcissists need constant validation from the outside. Admire and respect them and they do fine. Find fault with them and watch out! Grandiose narcissists will strike back venomously; closet narcissists will shrink back into their cave.
  3. Narcissists often display a façade self based on impressive and admirable traits. What’s wrong with that? Nothing, if it weren’t mere window dressing. Their façade self is fake, covering up a real self that's insecure and vulnerable.
  4. Narcissists view others as extensions of themselves. They set the standards of behavior and don’t tolerate opposition – especially if another’s viewpoint requires him to act in a way she doesn’t want to.
  5. Narcissists believe that they’re entitled to special treatment. Whether it’s a “stupid” law, or a “dumb” demand, narcissists feel that they shouldn’t have to go along with the pack and conform. They believe they are of higher status; therefore why adapt just to please another.
  6. Narcissists use money to help them feel special. Status items such as expensive clothes, cars, homes, dinners and trips are essential ways that a narcissist enhances his ego. Spending money, if you have it, is one thing; spending money, if you don’t have it, is quite another. Regardless, a narcissist believes that he deserves the best. And easily fools himself into believing that the money will be there in the future, even if it’s not there right now.
  7. Narcissists may make a show of generosity by being big tippers or picking up the bill. Look closely, however, and you’ll notice that generally such generosity is based upon establishing a reputation for themselves as a VIP.
If you discover that you are living with a narcissist, what can you do to make your life easier? Read on.
It may seem strange to say “discover” that you’re living with a narcissist, but it’s true. Many people don’t realize that their partner (or parent or adult child) is a narcissist, discovering it only after much time has elapsed. Why isn't it obvious at the very beginning?
Two reasons:
  • Narcissists are great masters of disguise, describing their behavior in the best of terms, (i.e. I’m only doing it for you!) Hence, it may take awhile for you to ‘get’ what’s really going on.
  • Though narcissism has a bad rep (egocentric, egotistical), narcissists also have positive traits. Indeed, they may be quite charismatic and charming. Hence, it may be hard to believe that narcissism is driving their behavior.
Once you recognize narcissistic behavior, you need to do something to protect yourself. Here are a few ideas:
  1. Know What You Will Tolerate and What you Won’t
    Trust your own judgment. If he (or she) is spending recklessly, know what’s ok with you and what isn’t. That doesn’t mean that all spending has to be done your way (unless you’re 2 narcissists battling it out). But it does mean that you don’t tolerate the narcissist’s explanation for free-spending (i.e. Hey, you only live once.”) And you take necessary steps to protect your financial future.
  2. Bolster Your Own Self-Esteem
    Don’t expect your narcissist to build up your self-esteem when he has just helped tear it down. That is something you must do for yourself. Spend more time with people who think well of you. Get involved with pleasurable activities that bolster your ego. Be kind to yourself.
  3. Know When You’re Being ‘Gaslighted’.
    When your narcissist says something, then later denies saying it or claims to have said something different, you can begin to doubt your own sanity. Were you listening? Were you dreaming? Is she nuts? Am I nuts? What’s going on here? Your narcissist may be doing this maliciously to gain the advantage. Or, she may be simply responding to her need of the moment, forgetting what she previously said.
  4. Develop a Positive Support System
    If you've been covering for your narcissist, you may feel embarrassed to let people know what’s going on. Nevertheless, see if there’s a trustworthy friend or family member with whom you can share your feelings and fears. Also, consider seeking the help of a professional who will be able to offer you support and objective feedback.
  5. Don’t Tolerate Denigrating Emotional Outbursts
    At times your narcissist will be upset and need to let off steam. But “how” one lets off steam is significant. If you're being treated with disdain and disrespect, stop the action. Make the immediate issue HOW you’re being treated. Express your outrage. Demand an apology. And if necessary, walk away, letting it be known that you’ll be happy to pick up where you left off when you’re treated with respect.
  6. Learn the Skills of Negotiation
    Just because your narcissist wants something, doesn’t mean she needs to get it. Just because she expresses herself forcefully, doesn’t mean you fold. Everything is negotiable. You just need to know where your power lies. Then you need to convey it and enforce it. The skills of negotiation will empower you in many areas of life – in the present and in the future.
  7. Accept that you’re not going to do a total makeover of your narcissist’s personality.
    Nor should you want to. If the relationship is that bad, consider ending it. If it’s not, see if you can work together to create rules of acceptable behavior.
Living with a narcissist is not easy. However, putting into practice these 7 principles will save your sanity and be a reality check for your narcissist – a win-win situation.

© 2011
Linda Sapadin, Ph.D. is a psychologist and success coach. She specializes in helping people enrich their lives, enhance their relationships and overcome self-defeating patterns. Contact her at lsapadin@drsapadin.com or visit her website at www.PsychWisdom.com
If procrastination is your issue, check out www.BeatProcrastinationCoach.com  to discover the Skills, Strategies and Secrets you need to know to conquer your procrastination pattern

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

My 2013 Yellow Chevy Spark Quest

over 2weeks ago, I called all the Chevy Dealers and tried to order a 2013 Yellow Chevy Spark Automatic LT1 - Only one guy from the OC Branch got back to me - he told me he was ordering it and it should be here in 2weeks - last week I called him to check up on it and he said 'no worries, that he will call me back in a day or so' - so far no call - I`m getting impatient - I want my car!! I am also worried, I don`t wanna get ripped off - the Sticker price is around $15 grand - I am paying cash - is it possible to get the price down? How much do you think the total payment will be including taxes, lic, insurance....etc to drive it off lot?

Updates
 they cannot find any yellow any where - seems they are a little late having yellow being made - finally my dealer called GM directly - they can order it....but it wont be here for 4-6 weeks and they want me to put a $5000- deposit to hold it.
- just to double check- l called and went online -no yellow to be found - but they are ordering me one - l will do what you guys say once the car comes in - thank you all for your help.....l need it.....l don`t want to get ripped off - l cannot do the payment thing, because of my bad credit and once they learn that, then l am a can to be kicked - l want to pay cash - but l do not want to pay the full sticker price and l do not want any hidden fees.
 However, I think I just forfeited by haggling rights by ordering it & putting a deposit on it, huh?

Monday, November 12, 2012

What is the Proper Response to someone that is telling you that they would have no Remorse in killing you?

 If someone barks at me, I am known to bite back, sometimes harder than they bit me, just to prove a point and to try to stop the barking.
 If someone treats me bad and says something mean to me, like....oh I don`t know.....maybe something like 'I know how to kill you, dispose your body where no one will find it, get away with it and have no remorse in doing so' ...... I might in turn say something back just as terrible.
 It confuses me when, after I will say something back to that person, they get all offended, angry & vengeful towards me. Have they forgotten what they said to me? How do they think I am going to respond to that? Do they expect me to be all sweet & loving? Do they expect me to ignore it? Do they want me to not believe them? If that`s the case, then when do I believe them? When they said they loved me only minutes before, am I suppose to not believe that, but believe that they want to kill me or believe they love me but not believe that they want to kill me? Just what am I suppose to believe?
 Just what is the proper response to a loved one telling you they want to kill you, that you ruined their life, that they are not happy, that you are the root of the problem?

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

The Smell of Money brings Concern

 I received a little chunk money from my Grandparents will. I plan to use this money wisely. My grandparents worked hard all their lives for this. This money is their life, blood, sweat and tears and I will not disrespect them by taking it frivolously. I put almost all of it into an account that No one can touch. It will just sit there and gain interest, hopefully making money for the future when I am old and grey.
 I took a little out and put it into another account. With that money I plan to buy a Brand New, safe, reliable, reasonable priced car. I plan to pay cash for it so I will not have any payments. I also plan to pay off any debt I may have to start myself clean, fresh and to secure my Grandparents money that is locked away.
 I locked it away for many reasons. 1st one, is so I wont get tempted to use it in hard times 'just to get me by'. 2nd, So no one can get to it by debit card fraud or any other type of fraud. 3rd, so when family, friends or spouse comes to me with a 'problem' that needs financial fixing, no matter how much they promise to pay me back. I cannot get to the money, even if I wanted to. I made sure of it.
 I found the Car I want to get. It is the 2013 Chevy Spark in Yellow. With all the Options, the sticker price is $16,720 -so I think I can get the price down if I pay cash. I took out $20,000 out just so I could buy the car and whatever is left over, I want to pay off my Credit.
 However, it seems people can smell money. Already it is starting. My husband`s computer crashes with all important info on it. He is stressing because he says he cannot afford it right now. Then this week my husband is having major tooth and jaw pain, he goes to doctor, seems he has some sort of gum disease, he is losing bone in his jaw. He had an accident many years ago that he lost a lot of his teeth from a direct blow to the mouth. He wears a partial fake teeth plate. He needs major dental work and a new bridge. He is asking me to help him pay for this procedure. I feel obligated because, he helped me with a getting a tooth pulled a year ago, that cost $250- and he did help me pay for some car repairs when I had a car.
 I feel bad for him, I want to help him and I will, but I also have to be smart about it. He makes really good money, he makes way more money than I make and he has great health insurance. I told him that all I have is $20 grand, the rest, I cannot get to. I told him that what ever money is left after I get our Car, I will help him out. I hope that will be enough. I don`t want this to become an issue and create problems for us. I heard that money can rip people apart. My intentions are good and I must respect my Grandparents money and the purpose they gave it to me. I hope he understands. I am just trying to take this one day at a time......cautiously.

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Still Swatting those Vultures: Protecting my Grandparent`s Wishes

To catch up on the Back story of my Grandmother - read here: http://romantictorture.blogspot.com/search?q=grandma

As you may know my Grandmother who raised me since 2 years old along with with my Grandfather (he died 20 years ago), Died earlier this year. If you read my past blogs you know that a couple family members (mainly my Evil Aunt C & my Dad) are making waves, causing trouble, claiming they want more of the estate.
 My Good Aunt and Uncle took care of my Grandmother ever since Grandpa Died. They would take her shopping, fix things for her, do chores for her, help her keep up her house, take her to the doctors, host holiday & family gathers, etc......and when it was time, find a good active, attentive assistant living community......then eventually handling the funeral arrangements.
 My Grandmother & Grandfather created a will together. They were more than far. They divided their estate 4 ways = 1/3 going to their 1st Daughter (my Good Aunt), 1/3 going to their youngest Daughter (My Evil Aunt), 1/6 going to my Dad and 1/6 going to me. Me and my dad split the last 3rd. The reason my Grandparents did this is because They raised me since I was 2 years old with NO help from my Dad, their Son. He did not pay a dime, nor he care for me in any other way, other than treat me as like any other random child in the world. My mother & my grandmother (on my Mom`s side) took me every other weekend and I would spend summers with them. They would shower me in gifts and bought me anything that I needed. My Mom saved up to buy me braces and when the money got stolen, she saved it up all over again so I can get braces. They took me to all my doctors appointments, took me to Theme parks, events, anywhere l wanted to go. My Dad never gave my Mom any support and my Mom never bothered going after any support from him.
 My Mom was not able to take me full time, but she made it up to me when we got together.  My grandparents were good parents and it was good to have a Mom & Dad figure in my life. It was for the best.
 My grandparents were the Best parents anyone could ask for. Even though they were strict, it didn`t bother me at all. I knew they loved me and they were protecting me. I was not allowed out, unless it was for school, rarely allowed to have friends over or visa versa, but I didn`t need nor want to.  We would go Camping all the time, they would take me to all of my school events, they would let me dress the way I wanted, let me decorate my room the way I wanted, all was good.
 I never expected anything from them, I had nothing to do with their decision, but I knew they felt an obligation to make sure I was alright. It makes sense why they split their estate the way they did, however My Dad and my Evil Aunt are furious and hired every Lawyer to protest it.
 I feel so sorry for my Good Aunt & Uncle having to go through this. They were my Grandmothers Guardian since Grandpa died and took a lot of responsibility, including handling the estate and making sure everything was handled correctly and according to my Grandparents wishes. 
 I don`t know how this is going to all Play out. My grandparents did put a clause in that said that if anyone protest, they shall forfeit their share of the estate. I am sure my Evil Aunt and my Dad have no merit and this will all be a hassle and waste of time.....but unfortunately it will also be a waste of Money, my Grandparents money, as I am sure will be the funds to pay these Lawyers. Truly Very Sad. More to this developing saga to come, as everyday brings another twist.

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Lunatic Fridge: A story, about a Friend of Mine

Text from him late Friday Night Oct. 12th 2012: "Get ready for the 7 letters i have mailed and find me hanging in the noose in the garage. I am done and you cant hurt me anymore."

When I got that Text - I ran home frantic....wasn`t sure if it was real or not....but I did not want to under react in fear it could be true. When I got home I tried to open Garage, but he Locked me out. I started pounding on it yelling and screaming to let me in. I then ran upstairs to check if he was around.....but he was no where to be found.....so I called the police and ran back down to the garage to try to force it open. I was pounding on the garage, yelling, screaming, crying to let me in. The neighbors came out yelling at me because I was causing a disturbance late at night. All I could do was yell back, I didn`t want to say what my fear was, I did not want to embarrass him in case it was not true......but looking back, maybe I should have, I don`t know......but my neighbors are still mad at me and think I am a lunatic, because, I was acting like a lunatic.
 Finally he appeared, I do not know where he was, but he was okay. He let me into garage, all looked ok at that moment. I wish I looked up, I don`t know why I did not look up....but I didn`t......maybe it is for the best at that time If I had looked up, I would have seen that my fear was very close to coming true and maybe the cop might have arrested him, since suicide is illegal. When I looked in garage and thought all was okay, I was relieved but yet I was a bit mad and ashamed. I felt that I may have over reacted and now he and the neighbor hood hates me, thinks of me as a loose cannon and a rude unstable Bitch.

Facebook Message I sent out to my Neighbors Sunday Oct. 14th 2012:
 We want to apologize for the disturbance Friday night. We are deeply sorry for everything.
To explain it briefly; I was truly terrified that something Drastic happened in our garage, especially when I was locked out of garage.........I was frantic and called the cops. I was freaking out bad. Finally, when the garage was opened, I found out, fortunately, it was untrue.
That being said, it still does not justify the commotion. We both talked a lot, We do not want to be 'that couple'. We both love each other very much and need to put an end to the high dramatics, especially when it intrudes onto our friends, family and neighbors. We are very ashamed of ourselves. We want to let you all know that we love you very much, we are deeply sorry & we vow to not have that happen again.
We hope you accept our deepest apology.
oxoxoxoox

A few replied back saying that they understood, all was forgiven and that everyone has a Bad Night sometimes.

Text I sent to my friend Monday Oct. 15th 2012: I went into my garage, to grab my bike to do errands and for some reason, I looked up. I guess he did make a noose, I see it hanging from pipe on ceiling.......he was gonna do it....but I made scene...called cops........either he decided not to do it or by me making a scene, it scared him out of it. I just saw noose now.....here I thought I was just over reacting......I dunno what to do now.....scared.

Text I sent to my other friend Monday Oct. 15th 2012: I`m very concerned for him....today, while grabbing my bike from garage, I looked up....he took my boogie board rope and made a noose from pipe on ceiling with zip ties and duck tape.....I cannot believe I did not see that when I called cops to force open our garage Friday night....dunno why I didn't think to look up after he threatened to hang himself in garage....here I thought I found nothing and I was an over reacting lunatic.....I have not told him I found this yet....it is still there.....looking at it, doubt it would work, rope looks to weak and close to ground, thank god....but still concerning......don't know how to bring it up.......he needs help.

Facebook Message I sent to my friend Wednesday Oct. 17th 2012: I wanted to give you an update...all seems good so far....I finally talked to him....confronted him about what I found in garage. He said he wont do anything and he tore it down. I told him that even if work gets better and I become the best wife in the world, it wont make his demons go away, those are his to own, Me or his job has no control on that....he said he will look into getting help. It is still very scary to me because it is out of my control....if it was just marital problem, I could work on it.....but this is so much bigger and I have no idea what can set him off......after all, this outburst was not from a fight about us.......he is very unhappy at work right now......I just hope it was something more of a 'Crying out for help' like a 'Crying Wolf' and not something he would really do.......but either way, I am encouraging him to seek help.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

my Friday night Oct. 19th 2012

on the way to Murphy`s Pub 'He' yelled at me for stopping and looking at the Halloween decorations on homes......he wasn`t in the mood to walk slow and look at things.......we got to Murphy`s, had a good time with the people there.....then walking home from Murphy`s....a guy bumped into me, then another guy yelled at me, mad l bumped into him, only because the other guy bumped me into him.....l yelled back saying sorry, didn`t mean it, l got bumped,.......then 'He' started yelling at me that l cant give him babies......so l stopped walking....'He' walked on home....l went to Jack n the Box, bought myself dinner and went home. 'He' don`t remember anything that he said to me.....thinks all okay....thinks l am just being 'weird' ......so.....that was my night.

Monday, October 15, 2012

I wish they made Adult Bloomer shorts with pockets!

I wish they made Bloomer Shorts with pockets......you know baggy shorts made out of cotton or light fabric, elastic around legs that you can balloon out, with pockets......they would be so comfy and cute.....when I was a little girl, we wore them....they need to make them for adults.....I would wear them all the time!!

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Capt. America & Homeland type of Saturday

Yesterday, Saturday we went all over town trying to find the New Avenger Movie version of Capt. America Costume for Roy. They only had the cartoon, 1st movie & bad Knock off versions of it. We came home and Roy went online and ordered his Avenger Capt. America Costume he wanted....$225-!!!! WOW, He must have REALLY wanted it, lol!! - Later that night, we ended up just staying home and watching a few episodes of Homeland. We heard good things about it and want to get caught up with the episodes so we can be hooked like everyone else

Thursday, October 11, 2012

I am not the Better Person

When someone says something hurtful to me, I try to be the bigger/better person and let it go. I know it really has nothing to do with me, it has to do with them. No matter what they say to me does not define who I am. Maybe they are feeling down, out of control angry, etc and feel they need to blame someone else or bring someone down to their level to feel powerful, whatever it maybe.
 If it is coming from someone I love, I guess, I will take their negative words more to heart. Maybe they have a point, maybe I did something to warrant the criticism. I try to listen to them without getting angry and think about it and maybe make amends to help heal the problem.
 It is to easy to just get mad, get defensive, deny and say hurtful things back. That would just put me on their level. It would make me just as guilty as they are. It will make me look just as bad as them. It would discredit and devalue all of my credibility. I would be just as wrong as they are. Even if it started out as me being right, I would lose any argument by succumbing to behaving the same way. In fact I believe that is why they act so violently hurtful, they want to bring you to their level, so that you become just as wrong as they are and you look a foolish crazy out of control person and they become the victim. This works best when they push your buttons quietly without anyone seeing it and hope you make the mistake of blowing your cool in public as they act as the innocent victim. It works even better when they express their love for you in public or tell everyone how much they love you and how proud they are of you, then when you blow your top at them in public, you look like you are the most evil person in the world.
 It is also difficult when they get out of control and say many really hurtful things in private. Those words cuts like a knife. You feel worthless, lonely, sad, you feel that the world would be better off without you, you feel like a bad person. You also get angry and want to lash out back, but you know it will make things worse, so you just sit there quiet and hear all the nasty things. If it is possible to leave, that would be the best call, but sometimes, you cannot leave. You try to go into another room, turn up the TV, but sometimes nothing works, you hear all the nasty hurtful things said to you. The next day, the other person either regrets what they said, they feel sorry or they have no clue they had a fit the night before and thinks all is fine, that nothing happened. You try to accept their apology knowing they were not in their right mind, that it is their demons Not yours, you try to let it go. However, there will be a time when you will be out with that person and something ignites that memory of what was said to you and you just might lose it in front of people and no one will understand where that rage came from. You will look like a raging lunatic to all, even to the person that put that anger there in the 1st place, but even they will be clueless and end up the victim in that moment.
 Yea, as I 1st said in this post, I try to be the bigger/better person, but I am really not the better person. I fail at that. It doesn`t matter if I didn`t start the fight, it doesn`t matter if I am right. It doesn`t matter if I handle things correctly at first......because, my hurt, my anger will get the best of me, I eventually, I will succumb to becoming the lesser person.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Life and Fiction

I love to look and enjoy sunsets, sunrises, full moons, local events, etc, stuff like that.....I want someone to enjoy it as much as I do to share it with.......I wish my Husband was like that.......he will say that to others, even to me......but in reality, he is not into that......I wish I could just let that go and just enjoy it on my own.....but....it sadden`s me........I wish I had someone that really enjoys Life`s Beauty with me.............just like I guess my Husband wishes I enjoyed his love for Comic books and fiction as much as he loves it. 

Urgggg

l work, pay the bills, cook, clean and yet hubby complains that he wanted tacos instead of of Vodka Penne Pasta & Sausage 4Dinner - WTF?

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

FREE, Local & Loving it!!

Sold my car last year & to be honest, I don`t miss it at all -being away from traffic = less stress......HOURS of more time for my Life instead of wasting away on freeway......saving money by not buying gas, repairs, registration fees, car payment, insurance, etc......spending money locally, investing in MY community, supporting the Mom & Pop stores here in town......knowing my neighbors better......Enjoying the Sights, Sounds and Local Events/Places........getting more FREE exercise by walking & biking More........if I need to go anywhere far, here where I live, we have Plenty of Options: $1.25 Passport Bus, Transit Bus, Water Taxi, Cabs, Pedi-Cabs........and if I totally HAVE to go further, I can always Rent a Car, which I do when I really need to......which is not often and still ends up being cheaper and so worth all of the above!

Monday, October 1, 2012

Real House Hubby of the Shore

My hubby, Roy is addicted to ALL the Real Housewife Reality series on Bravo -he watches it in his Man Cave and now he is watching it in front room -he is Gitty as a School Girl!!
http://www.bravotv.com/?__source=msn|real+housewives|Real+Housewives|G_AlwaysOn&sky=msn|real+housewives|Real+Housewives|G_AlwaysOn

Friday, September 28, 2012

My Goal of Salvaging my Family Memories

Boxes and Boxes of Family Photos - from both my Mom`s Side & Dad`s Side - Barely making a dent - my goal is to put them into Photo Albums, Scan them & Post to share with my friends & family - Memories are to be Shared, not to be stored in a Dark Garage to be used as Landfill someday!
 I am also thinking of looking up my Family Roots to share with my Family as well so they can pass the information to their children.  
 Going thru old family photos, scrap-booking -look at this pix close, I guess they use 2allow smoking in hospital beds?

 

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Comfort in my Loud Building at Night

Some might get mad when hearing loud music from Neighbors in their building late at night - but l find comfort in it - my neighbors are my friends - l know they are having fun, awake, keeping me company, watching over me, l am never alone - it is an extended family l have here in the shore....it makes me sleep more sound....more safe......more secure....love it here at The Embassy!!

Fall Plans

as soon as it gets colder - l wanna clean out & throw out a BUNCH of stuff -so tired of storing a bunch of stuff l don`t use - gonna start by getting rid of all the shoes l do not wear - mostly heels - if l can`t walk in them comfortably, they are out - done with uncomfortable shoes - bye-bye!!

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Care when No one is Looking - I wish you CARED for me as much as you cared for yourself!

Words mean nothing.....only action.....say you care all you want, act like you care all you want.....it is what you show me with no audience or fan fare that matters to me!
When I care and you Run away....I chase after you to make sure you are okay......I wish you cared the same....I know I cannot force that......it just hurts that it is not mutual......I wish I didn`t care so much.....I wish I could be like you and fall asleep while you are out all night.....but I worry to much.....something inside me makes me put on my shoes and go out at 2am alone strolling the dark streets looking for you....only to find that you snuck back home while l was out looking for you and fell asleep in your office.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Beware of Guys that Whistle!

It might just be me, but Guys that whistle always creeped me out......I feel that it seems that most serial killers whistle.....it is like their sub-conscience is trying to give you a fair warning before they strike so their deep seeded guilt is justified because it was you that ignored the warning.........ok......is it only me that thinks this way.......Bruler????
...... a guy walked into my work about 30 minutes ago...looks like James Spader....walks and acts like him to.....walks slowly and whistles....but not a happy tune....I slow, unmusical type of drone tune.....he gave me the uber creeps.....us girls know what I mean....we have great intuition.....we can sense a creep miles away!!!

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Leaky Bra

Running out of beige bras that fit, so I put on an old water bra......lesson learned, never buy water bras, they leak.....not good when you are @ work with no change of clothes.....good thing I work in a laundromat......I poked holes in bra, drained water from bra, .i put on clothes from our lost n found pile.....while i washed my clothes........then put my clean clothes back on.......sheesh!

 Ya, and a few seconds after i took this photo, the other side started leaking.....l dunno what they put in those water bras, but the fluid is super gross......oh well.....now that l polked holes in it, squeezed fluid out and washed it, l actually have a new pretty cool beige bra!

 What is weird is when I put it on I thought about that old 'Will and Grace' TV episode when she wore one at a Gallery opening and her Water Bra sprung a few leaks....I might have Jinxed myself!


Thursday, September 6, 2012

Saving Roy`s one good Eye

Took my hubby Roy to ER at 8am today -as you know, he once was blind for a couple years, but Doc saved one eye -however his 1only eye is not so good - well, this morning, his 1semi-good eye was red, wet, swollen shut, he was in a lot of pain & he was pretty much blind -we spent entire morning in ER -Doc said Roy has an eye infection - sent us home with Pain Meds & Eye Meds - I had to hurry 2work & Grocery shop for Roy afterwards -he is now laying on couch watching TV the best that he can -his eye still red, swollen and his vision is still not so good -Oh, gotta go, he wants Popcorn!

09/07/12 UPDATE: Roy says his eye is worse, he is having trouble working from home, hard to see `puter.....he is frustrated cause his Special Real Doc is out of town til Monday - I told him that it might take time for the Medicine to fight the infection - he doesn`t want to hear that -he is scared that he is going blind again -Why do Emergencies Always Happen on Weekends and when your Doctor is out of Town?????

Reply from Friend: "Never fails, tell him to hang in there, the medicine will kick in, he just needs to relax and not stress out & he will heal faster." 

 My Response: That`s what I have been telling him....but you know....I am the Wife......he hears me differently.....I need one of his Boyzzz to tell him that......then he may hear it, believe it and do it......I call it 'Pulling the Bro Card'

Friday, August 31, 2012

What happened at work today, I love my Mayberry meets Hawaii Town!

'Customer found wallet on bench outside, turned it in to me, the laundry attendant -I went through wallet to find out who it belong to -I recognized face on Costco card as frequent laundry customer -I also found a card in his wallet with emergency phone numbers written on it -called 1st number -it was his girlfriend -she told him and he came to retrieve his wallet -it fell out of his pocket while he was sitting waiting for his laundry -everything in wallet seemed to be there -I love my neighborhood -Most people here are good honest friendly folk!!'

Thursday, August 30, 2012

My Nude Pie Throwing Shoot with Shelley the Burbank Bomber & Julie Winchester

I did a Nude Pie Throwing Shoot with Shelley the Burbank Bomber & Julie Winchester - I took Photos & Video of behind the scenes - I will post Video soon - here are the photos- It was soooooo much fun!!!!

 1st I had to Rent a Car to drive to shoot - I sold my car last year - here is my Rented Chariot that day.
My Rental Car before driving to Shoot Ritual - I go to 7-11 to fill up on gas, get a Slurpee (here in their New Lava Lamp Shape Cup) and Junk Food - Breakfast of Champions aka: Fetish Models - LOL!

Shelley & Julie Winchester throw pies 1st - great sunny day for nude pie throwing!
Julie throwing Pies at Shelley behind me.
Me awaiting my turn
Julie & Shelley are 1st

Julie having Fun Throwing pies at Shelley
My Toes

My Prime Rib Dinner afterwards - soooo yummy - Thanx Lenny!!
Shelly The Burbank Bomber showing off here Viking Tattoo at dinner

....See More @ StacyBurke.com

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Came Home from FetishCon, only to be greeted by some Sad & Shocking News

Sorry that I have not posted lately. Especially after such a Fabulous Trip to Tampa Florida for FetishCon. I will probably post soon about the fun week I had at FetishCon - however, on my way home I received some very sad & Shocking News about some dear friends in the Fetish Business that I have worked with for many years.
 Below is the Story, I am sure there will be updates soon.


http://newswire.xbiz.com/view.php?id=152404

Natali Demore and Her Editor Jack Banner Found Dead

By Dan Miller, XBIZ.com
Wed, Aug 08 2012 11:00pm PDT
LOS ANGELES — Fetish model and producer Natali Demore and her video editor Jack Banner were found dead on Aug. 4 at Demore’s production studio in Van Nuys, where they followed through on an apparent “consensual suicide pact,” multiple sources confirmed to XBIZ on Wednesday.
Demore and Banner died of wounds from two shotguns found at the scene that were rigged to fire simultaneously, sources said.
A beloved member of the tight-knit BDSM community, Demore was best known for running the all-girl sites BondageOrgasms.com and SmotheredSlave.com. She had owned the studio with a dungeon since 2006.
Banner, who was her editor for BondageOrgasms.com for at least the past three years, also produced and directed more than 50 titles since 2000, as well as performed and worked behind the scenes on numerous productions.
Adult industry veteran BDSM player Liam Lockran told XBIZ, “Her and her editor at her company were found on Saturday by her sister-in-law, who was sent to the studio where she was at to see if she was ok. There was a suicide note. It was a suicide pact.”
Soma Snakeoil, a lifestyle and professional dominatrix who knew Demore for the past four years, said there actually were “multiple suicide notes” left behind in various forms and locations, including at the studio where they were found.
“There were letters sent out by herself and [Jack],” Snakeoil told XBIZ. “They had a suicide pact for something like three years. I don’t know what that was based on initially.”
Snakeoil recalled that Demore was excited and appeared happy when she saw her at DomCon LA in May.
“She was interacting. She didn’t show any signs of any major depression,” Snakeoil said.
She also worked with Demore in a session last October.
“She was maybe a little disconnected but she seemed happy,” Snakeoil continued. “I spoke with her quite a few times over the past few months and she seemed really upbeat. She said she wanted to do some double dom work with me and we were making plans to go on trips together. But it ended up not working out. From what I hear she was struggling financially, but she wasn’t very transparent about that with many people.
“I think her site had taken some hits, as the rest of the industry has. I know she relied on a lot of custom work. She was going through some personal stuff, a divorce. She also had a lot of physical pain, especially her shoulder. Apparently [Jack] also had some serious physical things going on.”
Both Snakeoil and Lockran said the double suicide occurred on Friday night, Aug. 3.
Snakeoil described her understanding of what happened.
“I guess they went to her dungeon, put on a Sarah McLachlan CD and they built a tent out of sheets, and I think lightstands and rope that they stood in,” Snakeoil said. “And it appears like they had somehow built some kind of contraption so the shotguns could go off at the same time.”
Snakeoil remembers meeting Demore at a DomCon when Demore approached her and struck up a conversation. They connected quickly because they had a shared interest in medical play. Demore had done extensive work for MedicalToys.com, as well as DungeonCorp which Snakeoil said was like "an extended family" for her.
Demore is survived by her boyfriend. It is unclear who received any additional suicide notes left by Demore or Banner, Snakeoil said.
“I don’t know. I’m having such a hard time processing this sort of tragedy and darkness of planning with another person to do that,” she said. “Neither of them talked each other out of it. I don’t know if one person coerced the other or not. We’re still looking for more information.”
However, Snakeoil added, "It was very clear it was a consensual suicide pact. The studio was not sealed off [after the authorities arrived]. There were shotgun shells, and the contraption that they used was just left there.”
Banner, who was 60, had worked extensively for Harmony Concepts, one of the pioneering companies in the bondage community, as well as with Joe Anton Productions, Dominic Wolfe and several other producers, sources said.
“He was very well known for his tight, elbow-together classic bondage style,” said model/producer Anastasia Pierce, who noted Banner’s “big-boob, padded-bra, detective style, damsel in distress stories.”
Pierce added, “Many people loved him and respected him. … He was a great guy to work with and a good friend too.”
Demore studied photography in college and kept her profession in the adult industry private from her immediate family.
“She was an artist. She was really into that and sort of fell into bondage and fetish and that led to girl/girl stuff,” Snakeoil remarked.
“I found her to always be highly respectful and very upbeat in her personality. When people die, I think you start to remember the good things first. But I heard her say good things about people that everyone else would say bad things about, so it was just such a shock hearing this.”
One of the suicide notes indicated that Demore bought a shotgun in May and that “she’s been thinking about this for a long time,” according to Liam Lockran.  
“I’ve been in the [BDSM] lifestyle scene for over 20 years and as I traveled around the country to different events, to DomCon and FetishCon and all these parties, I was consistently running into her,” Lockran, who is also known as Master Liam, said. “We’d have friendly conversations and we’d always see each other at different events. We’d talk and laugh. We never got into serious conversations. … She was a wonderful person, very gentle, never rude or mean to anybody. If anything, for a mistress she was very passive.”
He added, “She’ll be missed, I’ll tell you that. I’m still kind of in shock.”
Lockran, a former producer who is currently the general manager at the “Dr. Susan Block Show,” said that Banner “actually shot a few of my films. He seemed like a nice enough guy.”
Demore was believed to be in her 30s.
Veteran BDSM player Tim Woodman, who runs ProVillain.com and BondageBlowjobs.com, told XBIZ he was Demore’s rigger and production assistant off and on for about two years until 2009.
“We happened to have the same accountant and her business was booming and she was looking for some help,” Woodman said. “I was in between rigging jobs. ... She didn’t have time to do the ropes and grab the toys. … I also did backup camera for her.”
Woodman continued, “She loved every minute of her work. You could tell how much fun she was having. She was very generous to who she hired. If a girl was uncomfortable with something, she would change it. … And she always fed everybody well. We’d get either rockin’ sushi or a nice sandwich every day we worked. It was always a long day on her sets because it was a lot of goofing around. She just was not in any hurry to be done.”
Woodman recalled that Demore was also eager to share her contacts with others and helped connect him with talent agents and girls to shoot.
“I can say at least in the last three years more than half of the girls I’ve worked with are because I met them through Natali,” he noted. “I think she was well respected. There was an immediate outpouring of grief and condolences because everybody knows who she was or held her in high regard. Everybody’s got their problems, but I never heard anyone say ‘I can’t stand Natali. I’ll never work with her.’”
Indeed, dozens of adult industry personalities used Twitter to pay tribute to Demore during the past two days.
Performer Ela Darling said on her Twitter feed, “She was incredibly ambitious. She's been an inspiration for me since I met her. A smart, kind woman. RIP Natali Demore. Sweet, ambitious, and one of my favorite ladies in the industry.”
Fetish model Samantha Grace tweeted, “I admit, when I started she was 1 of the established models, I followed what she did. The fact she produced videos. Being like her was my goal. She was 1 of the girls, I would say, ‘I want to be like her when I grow up!’”
Aiden Starr: “The type layers render and the websites expand. I will miss you forever Natali Demore.”
Carissa Montgomery: “She was a wonderful person both in and out of the industry. She will be missed by all.”
Amber Rayne: “Wonderfully sweet and so very talented. Heartbroken that I’ll never see her again. Rest now sweet girl.”
David Mack: “She was a true friend and I am much better 4 knowing her.”
Numerous others offered personal condolences on Twitter, including Tara Lynn Foxx, Brooke Haven, Caroline Pierce, Ashley Edmonds, Dana DeArmond and Isobel Wren.
Veteran producer/model Julie Simone posted a tribute to Banner on her Tumblr page.
“I’m sad and shocked to learn of the passing of Jack Banner,” Simone wrote. “I did the bulk of my movies for Harmony with him. There were times I saw him every week. I learned a lot on his sets. He loved the female form and wanted to make sure the model’s curves were highlighted in every scene. When you worked with Jack you felt like the sexiest, most powerful woman in the world. He built you up where so many men in the adult business just want to tear you down and make you feel like shit.
“His bondage positions were challenging and sexy. Working with him made me a better rigger."
She said Banner's work had a "raw edge and sexual tension," and that Banner got her a directing gig at Harmony.
“Unlike many male directors, he never felt threatened by my talents," Simone continued. "He was smart and utilized them to make his own work better. He had no ego about it. He offered to teach me more about editing and made suggestions that helped me improve my work and hone my style. He shot some stuff for my site for free which was awesome of him.”
Simone said she last saw Banner at GlamourCon a few years ago. “He stopped by my booth to say hi and give me some good feedback about my work. He was always supportive of me which is something I appreciated and will always remember.”

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

fetishcon bound

Sitting in airport right now ready to board plane to tampa florida to attend fetishcon. My plane departs at 11:30am, connecting flight in denver, then in tampa at 11pm......yep 12 hours of flying......of well....it should be a fun trp....hope to see you all there!

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Sunset/Moonlight Movies on the Beach

During the Summer my beach host a Moonlight Movies on the Beach - Every Monday & Tuesday Alfredo`s Beach Club puts up a Giant Blow-up Screen and lots of speakers next to their Snack Shack and plays Movies for Free at Sun Down. Everyone brings their Beach Chairs, Towels and Picnic Baskets, gathers around and Enjoys a Movie. I always bring lots of warm clothes, my Skull design Snuggie and a Picnic Basket full of goodies.
 It is a real treat to watch the beautiful Sun Set over the Ocean, sit on the beach, enjoy Food & Drink while watching a Movie in the Moonlight with the sound of Crashing Waves in the background. We always run into our neighbors, people we know and meet new people. It is a great community Event that I look forward to every year.
 More info @ ItsShoreLife.com

Had a great Trip, see ya Next Fall!!

I took a nasty fall last night walking home from Movies on the Beach - l fall a lot - this time it was because my Ugg boots fit me a bit loose - so when l pick up my feet to walk, my Ugg boot slips off a bit, causing it to drag a bit and catch the crack in sidewalk.....and down l go, like l was sliding to home base on concrete - Roy helped me up, asked if l was OK - l said yea, l`m used to it, it happens a lot, another bruise to add to my collection. I am very Clumsy. l was called 'Patches' because my  Grandma had to sew patches on the knees of all my pants because l fell so much that it made holes in them!

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

5 Jobs Mon....

Been Really Busy with my New Schedule - I now have 5 Jobs!
I wake up at 5am to get ready, feed animals & do Household Chores
* 7am-1pm: I am a Manager at a Laundromat (yes, Laundromat. I like it. It gives me a guaranteed weekly pay check -and it is nice to do something different. I like meeting New people and doing new things)
* 1-2pm: I walk my friends Dogs (I`m a Dog Walker)
* 2pm-6pm: I may have a photo shoot scheduled
* 6pm-7pm I do my House Wife Chores
* 7pm-10pm I do my Webmaster Job
at 11pm - I try to get to bed, since I have to awake at 5am the next day.
........and during the Summer....there are a Ton of Activities to attend......
However....I plan to post more on my Blogs.....sorry I have been neglecting my blogs lately......just getting adjusted.......I will post more.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Josephine

Just got home after a 12+ hour work day - I bought Hubby a Fried Chicken Dinner on way home - now Chilaxing, having a glass of wine while doing my `puter work - I have not eaten yet -but soon - gotta wake up at 5am to do it all over again - oh BTW - we got a New Bird today - Josephine is her name - she is 1 1/2 yrs old and soooooo full of life......active......playful.......She is AWESOME!!!

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mystery Meat BBQ Sunday & Rack em up!!

Busy  for me this week - working my normal Full time 5 day a week Shifts at work - then - tons of household Chores when I get home - then watching 'Movies on the Beach' Mondays & Tuesdays - Booked a few Photo Shoots after work 2 days this week - then Saturday, me & my Brother gonna go help my Family organize their Garage - Oh, then I gotta defrost Freezer for Mystery Meat BBQ this Sunday!!! Oh yes....I am going to defrost my Freezer that is Packed with 'who knows what' - the Boys are going to grill it up on our Roof and we are going to have a Massive Feast - we call it 'Mystery Meat BBQ Sunday! 
Yea, I love Movies on the Beach - Grease was a good one last night (Different Movie every Night) - everyone sung along- Tonight it is ET - was all excited to go - but Roy 4got that he had Concert Tickets with Evil Vic tonight for the band 'Hell YEah' - I could still go to Movies on the beach tonight - but there is a ton of stuff I gotta do - working double shifts in the next few days.
 Missing ET as movie on the beach tonight, but getting tons of work done on my webmaster jobs while watching a beautiful pink sunset outside my office balcony window!
 

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Home Alone

at home - guys are away, camping at The Hootenanny in Irvine Lake - I have the house to myself - watching the Sun Set on the Ocean from my Balcony - enjoying a glass of wine - I was gonna go out - but naw - Junk Food in Fridge, Trash TV, my Couch & the Kitties are calling my name -ahhhhhh

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Ain`t no Cold Turkey!

Sorry that I have not posted in a while. A lot of changes are going on with me lately. I think I was in a sort of a 'Slump' for awhile and I needed to make some changes. I am a True Gemini, I cannot remain stagnant for very long. For the Past 14 plus years, I was all about trying to be the best model, have the most domains, go to every Event, book every gig, get my name in as many projects as I could, own/possess/control as much as possible, have and update as many sites as I could, constantly promote....which was all good, no regrets, it was what I wanted at the time. Now looking back and looking forward, I don`t know if that is as important to me anymore. I`m not saying I am giving up anything. I am just focusing more on other things. I think it is time to stop living in the future and live more in the present. Stopping to smell the roses, so to speak. I am enjoying the little things in life more. I am learning to slow down, relax, digest and enjoy the moment for what it is, not what I can make it into. I am learning to take pride and enjoy the small things. I am stepping away from the computer more often to actually go outside and partake in real life. I tell ya, it is a lot less stressful. However, no worries, I will still log on every once in awhile to share with you my day through my Twitter, hec, I can`t quit Cold Turkey!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Meltdown, Clean up on Isle 7!

I had a little Meltdown - my miss communication hindered and hurt others - to those affected, I am truly sorry - I really mean no harm - I am just going thru a weak moment right now. 
I dunno....maybe it is mid-life crisis, personal, family issues.....etc........just thought l would be further in life....doing something more important.....everything that is said or done 2me, l feel more deeply than ever......l lash out like a cobra when l feel threatened, even if it is only in my own screwed up head.....like the straw and the camel but on a bigger scale......or maybe l have always been like this, but with the birth of social media, it gets broadcasted and put in front of me with a magnifying glass.
More info to come......