Roy`s heart has been acting up since Thursday Night after he came home from the gym. If you follow my blogs, then you know Roy, my husband has a chronic heart condition. He has Heart arrhythmia. Usually his heart will act up for a few hours then go back to normal or we take him to the ER where they shock his heart back into rhythm. Thia is the 1st time where his heart has been acting up for 3 days straight. Roy`s Heart Doctor is on Vacation and wont be back for 2 more weeks. All this is stressing Roy out More.
Roy did not want to venture far from home in case he needed to lay down, so we pretty much just stayed home all weekend. It was actually nice to just relax and not be around a bunch of people in a party atmosphere. Roy watched Football in his Man Cave and I Cleaned, Cooked Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner and watched Chick TV in the Front Room. It was a Cozy, Warm, Loving and Relaxing Weekend. We however missed going to the Playboy Mansion for the Golden Globes Party.
Tomorrow is Monday. I will be at a shoot all day and Roy says he is going to try to see a doctor. However he is scared that he may have to go to the hospital. I told him that all will be okay. I told him that he needs to see a doctor, that it is better for him to go then not to go.
I am worried but I do not want Roy to be more stressed out. I do hope that he will be okay. Roy has a lot of Anger towards being sick, he is not cool with this at all. Either way, I am here, by his side, doing what I can to make things better. I just wish I had more power to make things better!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Cleaning the Little Things while on the Phone with my Grandmother
l just got off the phone with grandma - she sounds in good spirits - her voice was better - she was saying she was busy talking to her girlfriend - she asked me what l was doing and l said l was cleaning house- she said that her and her friend want to come down to my house to help me clean - l told her that l would take her up on that offer!! She is so cute!!
a Captive in my Own Truth
I remember being a child and my Grandmother walked into my room a accused me of breaking her make-up. I was shocked. First of all I never knew she wore make-up. She would always say she never used it and it didn`t look like she did use it. I said 'Grandma, I don`t know what you are talking about, I didn`t break your make-up, I thought you didn`t use Make-up'. She said 'Yes you did, you got in my drawer in my room and broke my foundation!' When she walked away, I 1st thought to myself was, Wow, I guess she wears foundation, then my 2nd thought was, OMG, DID I GO INTO HER ROOM AND NOT REMEMBER? I started feeling Guilty even though deep down I knew I never did it. To this Day I get the same feeling when someone accusing me of something. Even though I maybe innocent, I will feel like I am guilty.
I guess that was my 1st lesson on the power of words.
Another memory of mine as a kid. My Mother had a best friend who had a little girl a year younger then me. My Mom would go visit them. I would play in the little girls room. This little girl was a bit of a spoiled brat. She had so many toys but yet she was bit of a mean bully. There were many times she would steal something from me and I would go tell my Mom & her Mom. The kids Mom would jump in and ask me if I had proof, my Mom would go on her side and ask me the same thing. I would say that i did not see it, but i know she took it, because i walked in with it, the little girl liked it, kept staring at it, I looked away and now it is gone. My Mom and the others Girl`s mom just got mad at me and told me it was not nice to be a tattle-tale. I felt a little betrayed. I do not like it when people do not believe me. This would happen often.
I even tried an experiment. I wanted to see if I could get away with the same thing. Next time I went to the little Girl`s house, I took something of hers & hid it in her room. When the little girl saw it missing, she started crying, threw a tantrum and called her Mom into her room. Her Mom & my Mom was so sympathetic to her lost item and started searching for it. It was beginning to be a big scene. I got nervous, so I acted like I was looking for it and went to the place that I hid it and shouted 'Here it is, I found it!' They all looked at me suspiciously but yet did not accuse me. The little girl kept crying and kept asking me 'we looked everywhere, why did you find it?' All I know is that I did not like that feeling at all. I could Never get away with stealing or lying, I just do not have that talent and I am glad of it!!
I also learned that I can tell the truth all I want but it just takes one lie to devalue all of my credibility.
But there are a few people in this world that can lie all they want, get caught, but explain it so well or say they had a valuable reason for lying and they still have extremely high creditability.....even over someone that hardly ever lies.
The Power of Words. The Power of how you Say or use the Words. The Power of Manipulation.
All of which I lack in. I am glad I lack in it, but yet it is frustrating at times.
One of my problems, when I do get frustrated with this, I do not handle it well. It will show itself in bad times, sometimes in public. People do not know where it comes from, but they will believe others that claim they know, when in fact that is not the case. I try to not let it get to me, but there are people out there that see this weakness in me and prey upon it. I guess it makes them look Superior, it validates their case, whatever case they want to win. I am still struggling with the correct way to handle this towards my favor.
Some People have a Talent for making people believe whatever they say, whether it is an exaggeration or even when it is a Blatant Lie.
Some People have a hard time making people believe what they say even when it is the truth.
It must be in the delivery - that is where the talent lays.
Some people believe words over actions.
Just because someone says it over and over does not make it true - however I have at times seen it to be made true; like when someones asks you over and over 'why are you mad, why are you mad' and after awhile you get mad because they keep saying that to you and then they say 'see, I told you were mad!'
I prefer to believe actions over words, however it sometimes takes longer to get your answer.
..... I guess this is all just part of the learning process of life. I need to learn how to handle it and learn what to work on and what to let go. People are just going to believe what they believe, whether it is true or not - either way I cannot let it reflect onto me - as long as I know the truth, all should be good.
I guess that was my 1st lesson on the power of words.
Another memory of mine as a kid. My Mother had a best friend who had a little girl a year younger then me. My Mom would go visit them. I would play in the little girls room. This little girl was a bit of a spoiled brat. She had so many toys but yet she was bit of a mean bully. There were many times she would steal something from me and I would go tell my Mom & her Mom. The kids Mom would jump in and ask me if I had proof, my Mom would go on her side and ask me the same thing. I would say that i did not see it, but i know she took it, because i walked in with it, the little girl liked it, kept staring at it, I looked away and now it is gone. My Mom and the others Girl`s mom just got mad at me and told me it was not nice to be a tattle-tale. I felt a little betrayed. I do not like it when people do not believe me. This would happen often.
I even tried an experiment. I wanted to see if I could get away with the same thing. Next time I went to the little Girl`s house, I took something of hers & hid it in her room. When the little girl saw it missing, she started crying, threw a tantrum and called her Mom into her room. Her Mom & my Mom was so sympathetic to her lost item and started searching for it. It was beginning to be a big scene. I got nervous, so I acted like I was looking for it and went to the place that I hid it and shouted 'Here it is, I found it!' They all looked at me suspiciously but yet did not accuse me. The little girl kept crying and kept asking me 'we looked everywhere, why did you find it?' All I know is that I did not like that feeling at all. I could Never get away with stealing or lying, I just do not have that talent and I am glad of it!!
I also learned that I can tell the truth all I want but it just takes one lie to devalue all of my credibility.
But there are a few people in this world that can lie all they want, get caught, but explain it so well or say they had a valuable reason for lying and they still have extremely high creditability.....even over someone that hardly ever lies.
The Power of Words. The Power of how you Say or use the Words. The Power of Manipulation.
All of which I lack in. I am glad I lack in it, but yet it is frustrating at times.
One of my problems, when I do get frustrated with this, I do not handle it well. It will show itself in bad times, sometimes in public. People do not know where it comes from, but they will believe others that claim they know, when in fact that is not the case. I try to not let it get to me, but there are people out there that see this weakness in me and prey upon it. I guess it makes them look Superior, it validates their case, whatever case they want to win. I am still struggling with the correct way to handle this towards my favor.
Some People have a Talent for making people believe whatever they say, whether it is an exaggeration or even when it is a Blatant Lie.
Some People have a hard time making people believe what they say even when it is the truth.
It must be in the delivery - that is where the talent lays.
Some people believe words over actions.
Just because someone says it over and over does not make it true - however I have at times seen it to be made true; like when someones asks you over and over 'why are you mad, why are you mad' and after awhile you get mad because they keep saying that to you and then they say 'see, I told you were mad!'
I prefer to believe actions over words, however it sometimes takes longer to get your answer.
..... I guess this is all just part of the learning process of life. I need to learn how to handle it and learn what to work on and what to let go. People are just going to believe what they believe, whether it is true or not - either way I cannot let it reflect onto me - as long as I know the truth, all should be good.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
A Very Charlie Brown New Years Eve!
The Morning of New Years Eve I was not feeling so well. I had a sore throat, sniffles & my body was achy. Probably a start of a mild Cold. So I took it easy, took medicine, Vitamin C and took a long needed nap that actually helped a lot! My husband and I had planned on going to the Playboy Mansion for New Year`s Eve. I got up from my nap at 4pm to give myself enough time to shower, get ready and drive to the Mansion. As I awake still a bit groggy from my Rejuvenated nap, my husband walks in and says he has 2nd thoughts on going to the Mansion. I understood his concern, since I hate driving on New Years Eve, especially Home after the party ended at 2am. However, it kinda threw a 'Monkey Wrench' in my whole New Years Eve plans. After all, I had my outfit picked out, I had everything set and Now I have no clue what we are doing and it is getting to the critical hour! I went ahead and Jumped into the shower and got ready as usual. Walked into my Husbands room and told him, ok, we will not go to the Playboy Mansion. That I am dressed up and ready to go where ever he wanted to go. I was going to leave our New Year`s Eve plans in his hands, my only request was I did not want to drive. It was Now 5pm.
My Husband jumped on his phone, called his friends to find out where they were. He was getting a little stressed because he was not getting the response or enough information. He put on his Tux, called a Cab and off we went. As we are in the cab, he is calling and texting his friends. He tells the cab to stop and drop us off at this corner. We get out but cannot find the location that he thought they were at, so we go into this Pub that was nearby for a quick drink until we get more information.
The friend my husband was texting found us and we walked over where we were suppose to be at. We met up with his Girlfriend and another couple. We stayed for a bit at her beautiful Home. Her daughter has a New baby and my husband Loves Babies, so he was cooing and smiling at the little one.
After a few Champagne toasts we all took a big cab to Shoreline Village to see the Fireworks that they were going to set off for East Coast New Year`s time, even though we were in West Coast Time. We get there, all bundled up, look in the sky, the Fireworks go off.........we hear them, but we do not see them. The dense heavy fog covered them up. All I could do is laugh, however I felt so bad for the people that spent their time & money and I felt bad for the kids that were looking forward to seeing the fireworks. This is when we all called it a 'Charlie Brown New Years'.
We then all went to Gladstones, this Fish Restaurant in Shoreline Village, were they had reservations. We all enjoyed a very good fish dinner, had a few more drinks, then took another Cab over to Pine Avenue to meet up with the rest of our friends.
Every year, they Block Off Pine Avenue for a Big New Year`s Eve Bash. We get there, however, there is a lot of walking involved, good thing I wore comfortable heels and a heavy coat. We had a few rough patches trying to get in, since it was now 30 minutes before 12midnight, but we do Eventually all get in and find our crew. The band is Rocking, we are all having a great time. However during the last 5minutes before the hour, I got a little claustrophobic and had to move away from the group to a more open space behind them. My husband did not take that so well. He was a little mad at me, he asked me 'Since when do you get claustrophobic?' I tried to explain, but nothing I said was good enough, besides my voice was hoarse and going away. I walked back a little more during the count down and then he walked away from me. I guess I could have handled that better.
After the Count down and it was after Midnight, the crowd lightened up, so I went to go re-join the group & hopefully find my Husband, however My Husband was nowhere to be found. I just tried to make the best of it, after all it was a New Year, New Beginnings, better future, etc. I stayed and partied with our Friends. Then we all took a Bus home, since buses were free for New Years Eve. When I got home, there he was, My husband was asleep in his 'Man Cave'. I did not disturb him, I just went to my room and went to bed.
I awoke at 8am with a New Attitude. I am not going to stress over this. I decided to be more positive, not let my expectations get the best of me. I cannot control people. I can only control myself and I want to make things better. My husband is still asleep in his Man Cave as I write this. I sent him a text that says 'Happy New Year! Thank you for a lovely Dinner & you looked Handsome in your Tux Last night' . Lets just hope he awakes with the same bright and shiny new attitude as well and if not, it will still be okay!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
My Husband jumped on his phone, called his friends to find out where they were. He was getting a little stressed because he was not getting the response or enough information. He put on his Tux, called a Cab and off we went. As we are in the cab, he is calling and texting his friends. He tells the cab to stop and drop us off at this corner. We get out but cannot find the location that he thought they were at, so we go into this Pub that was nearby for a quick drink until we get more information.
The friend my husband was texting found us and we walked over where we were suppose to be at. We met up with his Girlfriend and another couple. We stayed for a bit at her beautiful Home. Her daughter has a New baby and my husband Loves Babies, so he was cooing and smiling at the little one.
After a few Champagne toasts we all took a big cab to Shoreline Village to see the Fireworks that they were going to set off for East Coast New Year`s time, even though we were in West Coast Time. We get there, all bundled up, look in the sky, the Fireworks go off.........we hear them, but we do not see them. The dense heavy fog covered them up. All I could do is laugh, however I felt so bad for the people that spent their time & money and I felt bad for the kids that were looking forward to seeing the fireworks. This is when we all called it a 'Charlie Brown New Years'.
We then all went to Gladstones, this Fish Restaurant in Shoreline Village, were they had reservations. We all enjoyed a very good fish dinner, had a few more drinks, then took another Cab over to Pine Avenue to meet up with the rest of our friends.
Every year, they Block Off Pine Avenue for a Big New Year`s Eve Bash. We get there, however, there is a lot of walking involved, good thing I wore comfortable heels and a heavy coat. We had a few rough patches trying to get in, since it was now 30 minutes before 12midnight, but we do Eventually all get in and find our crew. The band is Rocking, we are all having a great time. However during the last 5minutes before the hour, I got a little claustrophobic and had to move away from the group to a more open space behind them. My husband did not take that so well. He was a little mad at me, he asked me 'Since when do you get claustrophobic?' I tried to explain, but nothing I said was good enough, besides my voice was hoarse and going away. I walked back a little more during the count down and then he walked away from me. I guess I could have handled that better.
After the Count down and it was after Midnight, the crowd lightened up, so I went to go re-join the group & hopefully find my Husband, however My Husband was nowhere to be found. I just tried to make the best of it, after all it was a New Year, New Beginnings, better future, etc. I stayed and partied with our Friends. Then we all took a Bus home, since buses were free for New Years Eve. When I got home, there he was, My husband was asleep in his 'Man Cave'. I did not disturb him, I just went to my room and went to bed.
I awoke at 8am with a New Attitude. I am not going to stress over this. I decided to be more positive, not let my expectations get the best of me. I cannot control people. I can only control myself and I want to make things better. My husband is still asleep in his Man Cave as I write this. I sent him a text that says 'Happy New Year! Thank you for a lovely Dinner & you looked Handsome in your Tux Last night' . Lets just hope he awakes with the same bright and shiny new attitude as well and if not, it will still be okay!
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
a Very Burke Christmas!
Basting the Turducken
The Special Bacon Bloody Mary
Felix Playing with his Quacking Stuffed Puppy Toy Duck he got for Christmas.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Fashion Funk? Virtual Closet - Voila!!
I am going though a Fashion Funk. It takes me sometimes hours to find something to wear even if I am staying home. I am trying to stop wearing the same 2 outfits. I live at the Beach, I like to be Warm, I like to be Comfortable and I walk everywhere so I need to wear something Warm and Comfortable. If I am just staying home, I guess I really do not need to venture to far away from my Normal Small Rotation of Clothes, but as for going out, I really need to step up my game. I think I also need to re-organize my Closet to Find things more easily. I guess I will get to that After the Holidays.
However, in the meantime I need to figure out how to find Cute Fashionable Clothes I want to wear and get ready faster. So, I decided to do what I used to do when I was in High School. I bought a few Fashion Magazines, looked for outfits I like, that I could pull off and for outfits I might have similar in my Closet. I cut out those outfits and pasted them on the walls of my Room & Closet. Then on a Day off, I went through my clothes and put them into ensembles, laid them out on the bed and snapped a photo of the outfit. I put together about 6 different outfits and snapped a photo of each outfit. I then put away my clothes and downloaded the photos on my computer. Now when something comes up where I need to get ready in a Hurry and I want to be somewhat Fashionable, Comfortable, Warm and have no idea what to wear, all I have to do is go through my Virtual Photo Closet on my Computer - Voila!!
The Long Way Home
I probably could have Succeeded much Faster if I was Obedient, Kept my Mouth Shut & Kissed Ass - But I prefer the More Scenic Route!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Accepting My Fate - Flaws and All
I feel like i am being attacked from all sides. It seems like everyone can act immature, say rude things, lie, cheat, have tantrums, breakdowns, etc and I should forgive and forget - but I am not allowed the same in return. If I do any of those things, I will be shunned, attacked, ridiculed, ignored, shamed, mocked, yelled at, abandoned, etc - No one forgives or forgets when I fall victim to my emotions.
I must also be a mind reader, because sometimes someone will get mad at me for doing or saying something that they think I should not have said for a reason I was not aware of. I was brought up a only child, so these social dramas that are going on around me is still new to me. The older I get, it seems everyone is like this. I thought only a few people got caught up in drama, but the closer i get to people, I see that this is the norm.
Now, I am not saying i am innocent by any means, but it seems that I do not get the same consideration. I guess i should be flattered that they expect me to act on a 'higher' level, but the truth is, I am just as human as they are and i have a lot of flaws. I wish more people would accept and still love me with my flaws and all, as is. I do want to work on myself, I want to improve myself, but i wish they would give me the same understanding they give everyone else. Why am I the one that does not 'get off the hook'? To be honest, it hurts that i do not get the same benefit of the doubt.
I wish they knew I was on their side, I would do anything for them and I do. I don`t want to give the impression i am doing a 'oh, woe is me' bit. it is just a observation and I`m trying to figure out how to deal with it. i feel very alone and not supported emotionally. i feel like i have no one on my side and that is very depressing.
I guess I will just have to work on taking the Higher road and try not to fall victim to my emotions so much, I really need to work on that and be a better friend. Maybe I will just take this fate as it is and accept it.
I must also be a mind reader, because sometimes someone will get mad at me for doing or saying something that they think I should not have said for a reason I was not aware of. I was brought up a only child, so these social dramas that are going on around me is still new to me. The older I get, it seems everyone is like this. I thought only a few people got caught up in drama, but the closer i get to people, I see that this is the norm.
Now, I am not saying i am innocent by any means, but it seems that I do not get the same consideration. I guess i should be flattered that they expect me to act on a 'higher' level, but the truth is, I am just as human as they are and i have a lot of flaws. I wish more people would accept and still love me with my flaws and all, as is. I do want to work on myself, I want to improve myself, but i wish they would give me the same understanding they give everyone else. Why am I the one that does not 'get off the hook'? To be honest, it hurts that i do not get the same benefit of the doubt.
I wish they knew I was on their side, I would do anything for them and I do. I don`t want to give the impression i am doing a 'oh, woe is me' bit. it is just a observation and I`m trying to figure out how to deal with it. i feel very alone and not supported emotionally. i feel like i have no one on my side and that is very depressing.
I guess I will just have to work on taking the Higher road and try not to fall victim to my emotions so much, I really need to work on that and be a better friend. Maybe I will just take this fate as it is and accept it.
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