I am very much in with accepting life and enjoying life as it comes. I love goals, plans and trying to do better......but I am more about loving the journey and being & loving the moment. I want someone to be happy with just me and only me and visa-versa. Wanting a house, a kid, better job, etc is all nice and great goals, but I want to be happy even if that doesn`t happen. I want to be enough, is that Wrong?
So Far we (My husband, Roy & I) only had 2 Couple Therapy Sessions -but already I am learning a lot. It seems we both have certain expectations of each other and we both fail miserably at achieving them.
Roy is obsessed with getting a house & a kid. On our 1st date I told Roy that I am not into Material Things. A house is nice, but if it does not happen, I am okay with it. I also told him that I had a hysterectomy at a young age and cannot bear children. However, if by chance, if I was financially solid & in a good solid Marriage, that I was 'open' to adoption. However, I was fine with not ever having children. With a child comes heavy responsibilities that should not be minimized. 1st of all you are at some else`s mercy. You have to abide by their rules. Plus, you must have enough funds not only for the adoption, but for raising a child, not chump money by far. You also need to take into account that at least one parent will have to accommodate their work schedule or hire a nanny. If I have a child, I would rather cut my work schedule than hire a Nanny, in which cuts into the income towards the household.
Already my husband complains that we have no money. I pay the bills & do the chores - he Pays the Rent. We get by, but if we expect to have a child or a house, we both need to step up our game.
Already, my husband says he went to an adaption agency. They denied him due to: #1. He was over 40 years old #2. He was 'handicapped' -their words, I guess because he is legally blind. #3. We were married at that time less than 3 years #4. we did not have enough money.
Now, I agree to a couple of their rules, we are able to change the amount of years we are together & the income, but we cannot change our age or that he is legally blind, so that means that adoption will be tougher, more expensive & more time consuming than it should be.
This is really tough on Roy. He really wants a Child & a House really bad. It pains me that he is having such a hard time at this, but at the same time, I feel like I warned him that this could happen if he stayed with me. I feel Guilt, but I shouldn`t....after all on our 1st date, I told him that having children & a house was not of importance with me.
This is going to be a very long and on-going Diary entry. There is a lot of stuff going on here and it is all over the place. There is so so so much I need to get out, figure out, sort out & learn.
....to be continued.....