Somebody stop the world for me please. Time just tick tocks away & l still have so much l need to do and all at the sametime all l wanna do is take a nap! lt seems that l am just leaving all my resposiblities behind for napping! l just cannot seem to get enough sleep! l have been sleeping for 3 days straight & counting! (My kitty kats love all the extra cuddling! :-) My body feels so achy, part from oversleeping, part from over exhuastion and the other part from who knows, diet, lack of vitamins, body finally taking it`s toll from all the abuse of 'tough' shoots, who knows. Maybe a part of it could be frustration. l wanna do soooo much, but part of doing stuff is waiting & trying to be patient until it happens. l hate that, l want everything done correctly..... yesterday! l gotta get Danger Beach 2 scheduled, l am working on a major clothing line for mainstream sales, l am working on a mega pin-up calendar- available soon, l gotta organize all my past & present pix & videos, l gotta re-design my site (which l will soon offer ALL of my Complete work, pix, videos, friends features, you name it, it will be all there in a catorgorized & organized token format for anything you need that you missed or want back) along with x-tra perks for you, my monthly subscription members ;-) And all the while keeping my Playboy schedule, which is pretty heavy.
Check out the new October 2002 Playboy centerfold. Notice her hands gently
tied behind her back? Granted, not the most secure tie, but hey it`s
still pretty sexy. Next month, the centerfold in the November issue will be naked with the exception of black rubber thigh high boots, a red mid-thigh rain
jacket and all wet in the rain! It does not stop there, on the Cover of the upcoming December issue along with feature pix & story will be a real live international well
known Fetish Model, Dita Von Teese! Not to mention, to toot my own horn, l am on page 13 in the October 2002 and on page 12 & 13 of the upcoming November issue.....oh yeah baby, The Fetish Invation is here! :-)
What`s next? How about a clothing line? Yep, l am starting my own clothing line. l am 1st starting out with basic comfy clothes, but who knows where it will end up. l am dabbled a liitle bit on my own which you can see & purchase on my on-line store located here in my Stacy`s Hamper section & at http://www.cafeexpress.com/fetishchick . l am working on logos and looking at clothing samples. Yea, l guess l just was not busy enough.....hehehehe.
Things are a bit better at the Playboy Mansion. l am still getting the looks and stuff, but l am getting better at handling it. l will not let them win. Just by being around them allowing them to see that they do not get to me, that nothing they do can bring me down, that l can be happy without their approval is payment enough! l am just glad l did not sucumb to becoming one of them. l was tempted in the past, l thought that that was the only way to get things accomplished, but now l see that it does pay to be true to yourself....it just takes longer :-/ But it lasts longer as well, without jeopardising your rep!
Well, good newz, am feeling better. l am still bruised by the mayhem l endured a couple weeks ago. l still get the hard looks and the whispers behind my back from a couple people. I don`t get it, it`s like l did something wrong or something and l didn`t, all l am guilty of is being my geeky self. So weird.
Anyway, things are looking up....l am getting my teeth re-done. l am whitening them and putting better looking crowns on the 2 teeth that need it. My car lease is expiring so l am picking up my new 2003 Saturn Vue today, yippee! l now am a little lighter in the pocketbook, but these are all the things l needed to do.
Sorry that this weeks updates were a little late. My web-guy moved to a different state and he had a few Internet snags, it is bound to happen (pun intended ;-)
When you get a moment, check out the October 2002 issue of Playboy. l should be either on page 12 or 13, l am in 2 pictures. They even printed my name! l feel like Steve Martin in the movie 'The Jerk' when he gets the new phone books and he gets excited to see his name printed in it...he goes round yelling 'the new phone books are here, the new phone books are here!' Well here l go 'the new Playboy is here, the new Playboy is here!'
I have just been on the most intense emotional roller coaster ride of my life, and I am not sure if the ride has stopped yet. I am sure you already knew, I have been one of ‘Hef`s Hunnys’ since December and have been living at the Playboy Mansion since the 1st of May. Well, I moved out officially yesterday & I am back home. What happened this week, you wonder? Everything. I cannot disclose the details, but I will try to explain the best I can.
Chicks are weird. They like to create drama continuously. Put a famous rich guy with other girlfriends with a dream of becoming ‘the one’ all living in the same mansion in the mix, and oh boy, you g ot a mellow-dramatic soap opera on your hands with all your typical cast of characters! When you are in it, you never know who is truly your friend and who is out to eliminate you. I found out that they are all not my friend, they are all out to eliminate me, a couple of them more than the rest, but they are all guilty of it. I seem to be the one that sucks at playing this dramatic eliminating game. I am the foolish one that is actually t rying to be friends with all of them. I never grew up with siblings, so this competing for the attention of ‘Daddy’ is new to me. I was not trained for this. Again, I feel like I am back in High School, being the misfit geek, the odd girl that seems to embarrass all the ‘cool kids’ & is the subject of ridicule. I guess they never really accepted my career choices and that seemed to help them in their plot of destroying me.
Through out their hard work at trying to humiliate me, getting rid of me, pretending that they are still my friend by blaming it on the others & smiling at me while they are making faces behind my back, something happened that I am sure they thought would not happen. It made Hef & I get to know each other better, which in-turn brought us closer than ever. After many tearful heart to heart talks late at night in my room, he now knows that I will never lie to him, I am honest, I always mean well, I will always be there for him even if I am not living there anymore, and that I am loyal to the end. I also now know that he is really a great caring soul, he means well , he is very generous, he values the little things, he is a helpless romantic, he loves to share his life with (what he thinks are) good people, he is very understanding, he is very forgiving and that he really doe s care for me.
My connection with Hef & Playboy is not nor ever will be broken. He has told me that I am welcome to come back anytime I want, use the Gym, spend the weekend, have dinner with him, watch movies, come to the parties & events and I am going to take him up on that offer! I will not let a bunch of silly girls destroy that or take that away from me!
I am guilty as everyone else in this world…..all I want is to be loved and accepted. Some people know how to get to point A to point B better than others, some get lost on the way and some may never get there…..but that is the reason for what ever we all do in life. Some might think money is the key, some might think by playing games and making others look bad, that in-turn will make themselves look more superior and make them more valuable, validated, loved & accepted. The Evildoers in the world, it all stems from the lack of love they feel in their life, they feel cheated & if they can`t have happiness, why should anyone else.
I know I cannot please everyone, I wish I could. I know some people will like me & some people will not, hec, they might even hate me….for whatever their reason. All I know is that I never meant any harm…..EVER and I mean that. I may have done some questionable things in my life, but always with the best intentions. I am not saying I am an Angel or anything, I get cranky, I have had bad thoughts especially in traffic…..but I never really meant any harm. It just baffles me how others can hurt other people for that very intention and not only get away with it, but get rewarded for it. They can mask it for another made-up so-called good intention, but we all know that their true intention was to hurt not to inform for any rea l good reason.
I always thought the older you get, the more answers you get….but all I see is more un-answered questions. If evil co uld work in such a small insignificant one on one format, I can just image what it is globally. I guess it is just a part of reality I just have to accept, but it doesn’t make it feel any better, I still hurt very much. I can`t stop crying.
Just when you think things will slow down, the phone rings. I am booked for many upcoming shoots, it is awesome to be still wanted & in high demand…I love it!!! I am also in the middle of re-vamping my site. Now, don`t get alarmed….it will still have the same cozy ‘a-go-go’ feel, easy to navigate tools and all of my features. I am just going to add some extra jazzy stuff, make our site a little bigger and add a few viewing options. Our new & improved site will be un-veiled hopefully soon J
Everything old is new again……isn`t that a saying? I used to love the band The Sex Pistols and I was into Punk & New Wave when I was in High School….actually I always have been into it, I always listen to it….even when it wasn`t cool any more, But now it is back! The Sex Pistols are touring again (minus Sid Vicious of course)….can you believe it???? All my old fav`s are touring again……how I would love to go see them!!!! I would but, they are playing at The Blockbuster Pavilion in Devore and I swore I would never go there for a concert ever again. Imagine a bunch of Drunk out-of-hand ‘Stone Cold Steve Austin’ looking types running a mock creating chaos, beating up people, harassing girls and lighting everything on fire…..sorry, I don`t care how Punk you are, that ain`t cool. I hope the tour is successful enough that they have to ad more concert dates at other (more desirable) venues.
I think the `80`s look is coming back as well! I love the look of the bands back then, like Blondie, The Cars, The Clash……I love that Mod New Wav e Look! I can`t wait, I am just bummed that I threw out a lot of my cool clothes from then…..waaaaaa! Oh well, time to go buy new ones I guess…hehehe J
B.T.W. If you start seeing more bruises on my thighs, it`s okay, I started giving myself my vaccine shots last week. Its good for me, but I will now have bruises and little knots on my thighs from the weekly shots L
Oxox, S tacy < /b>
I am re-cooperating from last week. 1st of all I caught a cold, so l didn`t make it to ComiCon this year...waaaaaa...booo whooooo! Then l thought l as getting better in time for Playboy`s Annual Mid-summer Nights Deam Party on Saturday Night (but l wasn`t....l just thought l was & the Jello-O Shots helped me forget about some measely old cold...lol). I was dressed as a White Ponygirl (pix @ http://www.playboy.com/worldofplayboy/events/midsummer2002/ ). l wore a white corset, white leather harness, white hoof boots, white gloves, white leather bit-gag head harness with attachable ears & blinders and a white feather plume for the top of my head. l got the outfit made by Whiplash Clothing (link found in my clothing link section). You can`t see the boots in the pix darn it....those made the whole outfit....they were white leather hoof boots, with real horse shoes on the souls....they were made as high heels but without the heel....so l had to walk only on my toes ba lancing on the metal horse shoe only. Everyone loved it, especially Hef! But 1/2 way through the night, my outfit got a little sloppy....it was hard drinking red jell-o shots (my favorite alcoholic drink) through my bit-gag and no one understood gag-talk! So, l went back up to my room & put on a Zebra Outfit without bit-gag & hoof boots. Either way, l was dressed as a horse of some sorts ;-) l had fun....but l am still suffering from this lousey cold....cough cough cough.
Well, l guess l will go lay back down, we are going out to eat tonight & tomorrow l got a doctor appointment before having our dinner, movie & out night clubbing. l`m finally getting my vaccine and the nurse is going to teach me how to give myself shots in my thigh. l have to give myself shots in the leg every week for a few years, then it will reduce to once a month. This will hopefully de-sensitize me from whatever is affecting me allergically and hopefully my histimine level will decrease, my tummy will have less anti-reflux and my vocal cords will heal and l will hopefully have a voice again...yea! l have not heard my normal voice in about 2 years now..... .l can`t wait to get it back! No dis-respect to Demi Moore (who`s voice l have now), but l can`t wait to have a more femine voice.
l think back on all the stuff l`ve done and all the jobs l`ve done and l think 'Wow...l must be 100 years old!' I have been involved in almost every job out there and love all of them (Bartender, waitress, cocktail waitress, Band Promoter, Club Promoter, lingerie model, b-movie actress, shoe model, model & actress of all sorts, fast food worker, owned my own lingerie company, model agent, promoter of all things, entrepreneur of all sorts, telemarketer, factory worker, etc, etc)....but l didn`t love them as much as being a fetish model.....being a fetish model l get to play anybody and act like anything l want....it s never boring or mondane......everyday is an adventure! l might dabble in other stuff....but l will never abandon being a fetish model.....watch.....l will be one of those old wrinkly old ladies still modeling, while the younger crowd are saying 'gosh, why don`t she give it up, her days are gone'...hehehe...that will be me! l love Mamie Van Doren and l love that she is still out there.....and l must say looking ever so sexy! I hope that will be me someday....forever young at heart & spirit!
I want to be a li ttle girl again! I see these pre-teen girls, so innocent, having so much fun, no responsiblitites, just starting to like boys....everything is new to them and everyday is a new adventure. lt really is not that much different then what l feel like now.....l think l will probably always feel like l am 18 (and will probably always act & dress like l`m 18 as well!) Right now l guess l can get away with it....but what will happen once l start looking older? l don`t want to change just because l look older......but l don`t want to be dis-illusional either. l guess l will just cross that bridge whe n l get to it......but l am getting to that point where l am starting to worry about it.....l wanna be forever young! l know, l know.....get in line.....everyone feels this way....l know....but Waaaaaaaaaaaa....Booo Hoooo (feet stomping on floor, temper tantrum) hehehe :-D
Well, it is great to be back home. Chicago was great (bondage shoot- you will soon see the pix here)....but nothing beats home! MTV will be filming an upcoming show called Cribs here on Sunday at the Playboy Mansion. Who knows what they will show and who knows whe n it will air.....but they usually air it pretty soon....and they probably will re-run it a lot. Watch for me running a mock....and maybe tape it for me, if ya can.
It will be my Grandmother`s 82nd Birthday August 1st so I brought my Grandmother here to the Playboy Mansion the other day. Boy, did she like it! She really loved the flowers & the birds the most. I gave her the grand tour.....I showed her the monkeys, flamingos, the african cranes, the parriots, the cock-a-toos, the trumphetors, the owls, the fish, the turtles, the ducks, the peacocks, the bunnys, the grotto, the dogs & of course my cats. We had lunch outside in the backyard. There was this African Crane that is really friendly & followed us everywhere....it would peck at our feet if we stopped petting it.....it was sweet, but boy what a pest...hehehe. Hugh Hefner came down to greet her.....l should have taken a picture of that....but l was so wrapped up in the moment, darn it, But l took her picture everywhere else. She was happy to see that l was living here. She always worried about me, living alone.......it gives her peace of mind that l am not alone & that if anything happene d t o me, l will be cared for. She is happy for me and l am glad that l could make her happy by showing her a bit of a famous paradise.
I will be in Chicago for a Bondage Shoot Monday-Wednesday July 22-24th, so l maybe un-reachable during that time.
MTV`s Cable TV Show Cribs will be filming here at The Playboy Mansion on Monday July 29th, so keep your eyes open for the up-coming show.....you just might see me & the rest of Hef`s Hunnys running around in our lingerie, bikinis or ? :-)
What`s planned for next weeks updates?....ummmmm....anybody in the mood for a little Breast Bondage?
oxox , Stacy
Sorry, there was no Stacy`s Words last week......last week was a little hectic....hopefully this week will be better. lt is taking more time to do what l usually do on the net. You see, l installed some softwear on my computer and now a few things do not work.....like my right mouse clicker! What a pain! Whenever l want to save a pic....l usually right click it & save it.....well l can`t anymore....now l gotta highlight it and send it to myself....and go throough this long process.......how can l get my right clicker to work again? l re-booted, went into my control panel.....nothing works.....so frustrating! Due to time, a few of my keys stick as well....so sometimes l miss a letter here & there & l have to proof read everything before l send it. This computer also shares the same cable connection for the entire mansion, so my connection runs very slow sometimes. l was also having a few problems with a few of my URL`s and l had to (and still am) 'jump through a few hoops' to get it all straightened out. Ahhhhh.....l need to relax....maybe l will go downstairs to the gym & workout some of my frustrations.
l am also going through self esteam issues.....l just don`t feel good about my appearance.....l am working out, losing weight, getting lean & toned....but for some reason l am feeling like the 'fat-ugly' bunny'. l think it is because of my surroundings......everyone here is soooooooo beautiful and so fit & trim.....all without even trying.....they all eat cak e, steak, cookies, gummy bears and they have perfect skin & perfect bodys........it makes me try harder to look as good as l can....l admit, l was a bit lazy......l was eating everything & lightly working out.....at least this place is motivating me......most of the time l am plased with the way l am transforming my body.....but l still have those days, like these past few days, where l just feel 'Blah'
Hi everyone!!!!! This is about the only way l can communicate right now! l was in NY to be the MC for BondCon NYC (BondConNYC.com) and like always....l lost my voice!!! l was the most annoying MC ever!!! l got soooo tired of it, l went back to he doc. He is now in the mist of doing a series of tests on me. He is injecting me with every known allergy known to man. When he is done, he will develop a vaccine to de-sensitize me from whatever ills me. Once l get the vaccine, he will teach me to give myself injections. l will have to give myself in jections every week for at least a few years. Then when l start to get better.....l need to have voice lessons to train my vocal cords to work without straining & bruising them. l also have to go to bed on an empty stomach. l have to wait 3 hours after l eat to lay down, no coffee or soda after 12noon and take prevacid before bed. Weird huh? That allergies are the cause of acid re-flux & the loss of a voice. I guess l develop too much histamine and it creates acid in my stomach that comes up and burns my throat & vocal cords. l developed polyps and they are inflamed....and l am straining my vocal cords to talk, which in turn bruises them more and makes it harder to talk....if not, lose it completely.
BondCon was great as ever....l just am pived that l lost my voice, it really hindered my MC duties, it was hard to communicate with my fans that traveled far to see me & it hindered my energy level. The next one will be in March 2003...l hope you get to go to the next one!
l hope you like my new & improved server....l put all my sites onto a better & faster server. Sorry if the downtime was a in-convenience....but it will be a lot better in the long run. l found out that my web-master has to toy with my email account, since it is on the new server.....so please be patient....it may take awhile to get back to you. lf there is any trouble, please contact my web-guy @ firstname.lastname@example.org or try me on my yahoo account at email@example.com
l am exhausted.....l have been going non-stop for quite awhile & l see no rest in-sight. l think l am going to lay down.......talk to you soon!
Well, l should be in NY right now (l am writing this on Monday June 17th) being the Mistress of Ceremonies for BondCon with my friend & fellow fetish model Miss Gloria Reyes. Last year l had such a great time....now l am the Official MC......how cool is that? l am sure l will have plenty of cool pictures to show you once l return!!
Today l have sooo much to do....l did have a doc appointment today at 9am....but l forgot, so l must call to re-schedule. Then l have to pack up my cats to take them back home while l am gone (they are more comfortable there when they are left alone....my poor babies). l must pack sooo much stuff & handle many errons.......ahhhhhhh l don`t want to......but l must get off my butt and take care of this very large 'to-do' list.
B.T.W. I will be un-reachable until l return from BondCon....which will be either Monday June 24th or Tuesday June 25th.
Last night was amazing! All l kept saying to myself was 'what is a little pee-on like me doing in a place like this?' Last night Hef & us girls went to the AFI Awards honoring Tom Hanks! We sat up front to the right of the stage with Hedi Fleis & Tom Sizemore. lt was a star-studded event....every one was there. l kept staring at Goldie Hawn....man whatta looker she is.....hubba-hubba! Sharon Stone, Meg Ryan, Steven Spielburg, Kate Capshaw, Barbra Streisand, James Brolin, Tim Allen, Martin Short, Charlize Theron, Rob Reiner, Dennis Miller, Jon Lovitz, Teri Garr, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Hewiit, Tom Hanks friend & family and many, many more! After leaving l truley felt Tom Hanks is the nicest person in he whole world! He ia so humble, he loves his wife so much, he is so giving, so smart, he has extrotinarie talent, he always has a smi le on his face, you never hear any 'dirt' on him....he just seems so genuine....like a modern day John Wayne or Jimy Stewart. Last night made me feel good about things & it made me wish l could have done more with my life......as l always say....there is just sooooooo many things l want to still do. l just gotta stop thinking about these things and pursue my dreams with a little more zest & urgency.
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! l just wrote a long detailed stacy`s words, l went to spell check and somehow my computer lost it!!!!!!! I put my heart into it.....l wrote sooooo much.............ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!! Damn that darn Spell Check!!!!!!!!