Feeding the Meter: What goes in, has to come out, Finding the Balance.

I try not to let things bother me, I try to stay quiet and understand that what others do or say to me is only a reflection on them - however, it is difficult. We as people do get affected by what others do or say to us & around us, even if you do not react to it. It is like feeding the meter. You hear these things, it registers, we absorb it, we see it, we feel it, it is with us.....as time goes by, it fills us up and we have to let it out somehow. What ever toxic thing that we get exposed to has to come out somehow, someway, some day, some time. Sometimes it may take a long time, sometimes you can let it go until it over flows, explodes or you might have to let it out a little bit at a time. People around you might think it is coming from nowhere, they might think you are just acting crazy, they might think you have no reason for your outburst......but you know better....or maybe you don`t....you might be a little puzzled why you flipped out yourself. Everything that goes into you has to come out, no matter what it is. Even good things. If good things go into you, good things come out. If Bad things go into you, bad things need to come out. If not emotionally, then it might come out physically.....health problems, mental problems, financial problems, etc.
The thing I am trying to do is trying to control how to let the bad things out. It is frustrating, but I really have to explain everything toxic that comes out of me and explain to others where it came from, or at least try to. I try not to hold things in to avoid the explosive out burst and try to let it out without causing the toxic waste to contaminate someone else. This is very difficult at times, especially when you might not remember or understand what, how, why or who put it there in you in the 1st place.
Being human this is a difficult task at times. Especially if alcohol is involved or emotions get the best of you. It is also hard to verbally explain or communicate to the person who put it there what the toxic thing is and why it affects you so much. You also have to remember that if they are sluing toxins to you, that they must have got their fill of toxins from somewhere else. They might even not understand what, how or why they are doing it. They might even be in denial and refuse to see what they are doing. They might just be trying to place the blame elsewhere, they might want or try to make you take the blame, carry the burden, to release it from them, to try to cleanse them self from it. It is just the way it goes. Even though I understand all this, it does not make it easier, but it helps me at times to at least try to do the right thing.
I am not even sure if I put this all into words all that great. I am just trying to sort these things out myself. I just want things better and maybe understanding this and trying to adjust my reactions might help. It might even help you. If that is so, then this post was well worth it.