Standing up for MYself!

 I have never done anything to Vic - the only thing I do is react to his mood towards me, his comments to me and his body language to me ----- What he does and have done to me, l do not do to him -EVER. It is really tough for me to deal with his condescending, abusive, bully ways towards me - l do not know why he hates me so....maybe it is all the times you confide to him whenever we are having marriage trouble. l don`t know why he continues to get in the mix of our marriage. l cannot say anything without some sort of commentary from him if he is in ear shot, even if l am not talking to him. There has been times we (you and me) do not talk for months because of something Vic related. He loves to put tension between us - and you allow it.

 When you guys were not talking for 6months - l never talked bad about Vic. l let you guys handle it. l never try to get in the middle of your friendship. but for some reason Vic cannot do the same for us. l try to just 'deal' with it and try to let this go......but it is wearing on me - please understand........ if I had a friend that we were around 3-4+ times a week that did this to you.....l do not think you would take it as well as l have taken it for the past 8+ years. l cannot be myself around him or say anything in fear of his negative reaction to it.

 l cannot change Vic - l cannot change you - but l need to take care of myself on this - l just don`t know if l can be around Vic any more - l don`t want to ignore his ways towards me any more and l hate when you defend him in front of him to me - it makes me feel like l do not matter -- it makes me sad, mad, angry - it is bad for us ----- l don`t know how to 'deal' with this ---- except maybe l will just not be around Vic any more --- that`s all l can come up with right now. l am going to stand up for myself from now on - to anybody - to everybody - cause l am the only one that`s going to do it.....cause contrary to others opinions.....I DO MATTER!!

My last attempt at stating my Case

  1st of all - let me say - I do appreciate you and l am very grateful for you for paying our Rent, buying my food & drink when we go out and taking care of Vet bills. I respect and l am very proud of you and your Job/Career - I think you work very hard and you are great at it - you are a very valuable employee. l know you have many health issues that must weigh on you tremendously. l am very empathetic and l am here to help to my capacity.

 You, many times, have brought it to my attention your disdain towards my fetish career, my role in our household, my role as your wife, my income and so on. l was a fetish model, l still am - which requires me to edit myself online, email people for shoots, be Stacy Burke, etc. l was this before l met you. l used to make a lot of money - but l slowed down the modeling, not just due to age, but l wanted it to be more of a hobby than a full time career. l do not believe l walk around like l am high and mighty - as you put it 'here l am, Stacy Burke, make way'. lt hurts me to think this of me.

 Besides the fetish/internet modeling, l also work 5 days a week, l do the animal chores, l pay & do the daily grocery shopping, l pay for both our phone bills, our internet, our cable bill, our electricity, l do the cleaning, and whatever else the household needs......and l do this because l want to. l spend more than 75% of my income on our bills and household.

 All l wish for is recognition and appreciation in return. But last night, yet again, you made it clear how you feel about that. lt hurts me greatly. But l know l am a good person and l do a lot - and l have the receipts to prove it. \

 l do not know how you can stand to be with me - knowing how you feel about me. l have told you this many times - l want you happy - l will never stand in your way - if l disgust you so much - then you should not be with me - this is your call to make - not mine. For - l am happy with everything, my only complaint is they way you treat me and your low opinion towards me shows through - and as l say - l do not handle that well - l lash out just as hard as you lash out - l see a change in me that l do not like - l am becoming bitter, mean and recluse.

 l do not know the answer to all this - but l do know things cannot get better as long as l continue to disgust you so......so....l guess it is your call.

 l will try to stay out of your way as much as possible - as l think l need time to myself to re-evaluate myself and get in-tune with myself instead of being lost in a shroud of judgement. 

 Besides - l hate lashing out at you as well - it is not healthy and does nothing but destruct things further.

 l just want you to know that l do love you, l do respect you, l do appreciate you and l am sorry if l do not let that be known more often. l only wish you the best.

my husband Roy back in ER!

The latest News on My Husband Roy - at 3am this morning he went BACK to the ER at UCLA after having saliva gland cancer surgery - he was having major pain and swelling - as of Now - he is Still in the ER - UCLA Hospital Rooms are all booked up and Roy is waiting for a room to open up. I just spoke to him on phone - he is pretty doped up, his voice is hoarse and slurred - he seems very sleepy - hopefully a room will open up soon - l think they rushed him home to soon! 

My List of Favorite Rock Operas

My List of Favorite Rock Operas - however I think I have more - what am I forgetting?

1. The Wall (Pink Floyd)
2. Jesus Christ Superstar

3. Tommy (The Who)
4. Quadrophenia (The Who)
5. American Idiot (Green Day)
6, Ziggy Stardust (David Bowie)
7. Hedwig and the Angry Inch
8. Rock Horror Picture Show
9. News of the World (Queen)
10. Aqualung (Jethro Tull)
11. Love you til Tuesday (David Bowie)
12. Hair

Our Country is going through Domestic Abuse!

I am so sick of people saying 'that is what is wrong with our country' and 'lets make our country great again' etc...etc....if this was a relationship - it would be an abusive one - cause if you really loved our country - you wouldn`t bad mouth it, bully it into changing it into what YOUR idea of what it should be - advice, encouragement....sure...yes...cool....but l am so tired of this domestic abuse that our Country is getting from the people that claim to love it so!!

l bring home the bacon & fry it up in the pan...

Proud that not only am l a housewife, l cook, clean, work 5/6+ days a week, l pay ALL Household bills, do the grocery shopping, take care of our animals, donate, etc.....yes...this is me patting myself on the back - cause sometimes you just gotta sometimes!!

Felix our Cat tries to show Clyde our Puppy how to cover his waste

l have a rug on balcony outside for Clyde our puppy to use as a pee-pad (just wash & re-use) - Felix our Cat is repulsed by it - thinks Clyde doesn`t know how to cover his waste like Felix does so well in his litterbox - so Felix, every morning tries to show Clyde how to cover his waste by scratching the rug over to cover it - looks at Clyde and walks away - Clyde looks at me confused - l thank Felix for trying to help and go over to fix the Rug back flat - it is just soooo cute!!

My Hubby Roy has Cancer

here is a note from Roy himself ;
As many of you are aware by now, I was diagnosed with cancer last Thursday. Salivary Gland Cancer to be exact. After a stressful week of tests and multiple Dr visits, it appears we have a plan of attack. Surgery is scheduled for Friday, April 8 at UCLA. They wanted April 12 but I said Hell No! Iron Maiden is that Friday! Anyway, here is what I know about my condition so far: The tumor seems to be small and self contained to the gland which is good. No spreading. I will have a large ugly cut from the top of my ear along the length of my neck and reconstructive surgery is going to be needed. They are going to remove the gland and most of the tissue around it. I will be in the hospital for 2-4 days so the 8th works for Iron Maiden. It was confirmed today that post surgery treatment will include 6 weeks of radiation. I'm not asking for folks to feel bad for me but I am asking for your prayers. This is for sure going to knock me down but I won't stay down and that's where your support is needed. If you have questions or concerns you all know how to reach me! I'm putting my War Team together and I hope you all will join!

Leash to Harness NOT Collar when Riding with your Dog

Am l the only one who gets upset whenever l see somebody riding their bike, jogging, riding their skateboard really fast while holding a leash connected to the NECK of a Dog Collar with their Dog?? l mean come on - at LEAST connect leash to a harness instead of collar - just for safety so you don`t choke, break neck or kill your dog - l mean - really?? Why is this legal??

Scared - Clyde (my frenchie) not well

scared - Clyde has been acting weird off and and on all week - he did not eat his breakfast this morning - wont play - he usually attacks vacuum - today he ran and hid from it - wont do anything but lay down on couch with sad eyes -staring off in distance -shakes once in a while - l fed him some ice cubes to soothe belly and hydrate him - vet wont see him til the am ----
- NOW - Clyde seems fine - doc says sometimes when pup becomes 1 year old they can have growing pains and their body hurts and get depressed while you at work.